Thursday, December 18, 2008

Good evening! Well, today started off bad, but it got better. I woke up, and all my thoughts from yesterday came back. I went to the school yesterday because Rissi asked me to, and I was under the impression Dana wanted me to. But things took a bad turn. I saw Jackson. I saw Dana look at him. At the time, I didn't like the look he gave him. Yesterday ended badly. This morning I cried because my mind just…wasn't okay. Especially when my mom got mad at me since I forgot to feed the rabbits last night. But then, Rissi told me Dana gave me a card. So I was better then. I went a while without thinking much about him, amazing, I know. But then, I was sitting at the computer, and my phone rings. It took me a few seconds to realize it was Dana's ringer. I quickly answered, and said hello. So, he's coming tomorrow. :D So you won't hear from me tomorrow J. And don't expect me to tell you any details. Because everything that happens tomorrow will not be told to anyone :D. He should be here by 4:30. 5:30 at the latest. If something drastic happens tomorrow, I will blog. Otherwise, I'll be lying behind where I am sitting now. Cuddling with the one I love. Something I have wanted for a long time. Oh…to sleep next to him. To watch him sleep…to watch him wake up. To be the first thing he sees in the morning…the first thing he thinks about. Same goes for me. Having him be the first thing I see in the morning…oh this is going to be just….great. Talking, cuddling, sleeping, and kissing, all in one night. A taste of what will happen later in our lives. I honestly plan to be with him forever. I don't think I could be happier with anyone. This will also make up for our lost 6 and a half weeks. This is just…so great. Hm. Mom is okay with him coming, obviously. I still have to write Emily that letter and have Mom send it Monday when she goes to her appointment. You know, it's going to be a wonderful day tomorrow, and Saturday. J So with that being said, I will leave you tonight. Today's Song: Broken by Seether and Amy Lee. Goodnight everyone. J

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Good evening. There isn't much to talk about this evening. I'm in the middle of writing letters to my friends for Christmas. Including Dana. I have 4 or 5 more to write yet. But I needed to take the time to write this. I didn't talk to Dana tonight. He didn't have his phone on, and I didn't feel like calling Jessi either. But I do desire to talk to him. But I can wait until tomorrow. I grow bored of being pushy. I didn't speak to Emily tonight either. Mom is doing well lately. We still don't know where we are having Christmas either. Something tells me I'm not going to get to see Dana this week. But oh well. There isn't anything I can do about that. But I need to talk to him at least. I think I'm going to finish the letters tomorrow. Hopefully I get to give them to Rissi tomorrow so she can deliver them. That's really all I need to tell him, what's in my letter. But I want to hear what he says about it. I mean…what is he giving me for a present? Ha, that makes me sound needy. Well, I think that's all for tonight. So goodnight.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Good evening. No, Dana did not come on the weekend. I was too tired to blog. But there is a lot to blog about now. Well, he couldn't come because he had a party to go to Saturday, even though he didn't really want to go to it. I tried to convince him to come, saying he'll have to leave by 9:30 in the morning anyway. But that didn't work. The more I thought about it that night, the more I realized that him coming next week would be better. The fact that he could stay longer the next day, he wouldn't feel sick, stuff like that. But when I didn't hear from him all weekend, I got slightly annoyed. He called last night, and so another series of events have unfolded. As things look currently, he will not be coming Friday. The original plan was that he was going to his Mom's on the 21^st. His dad decided later that he was going to go the 28^th. However, his Mom wants him the 21^st, and if his dad doesn't bring him, she will come down to get him this weekend. But it only gets worse. He informed me that his mom threatened his dad to take Dana back home. Yea. As in completely. Last night it never occurred to me whether I should panic or not. I was too tired, and I fell asleep shortly after our conversation. Today, I texted Jenna while at lunch. She said he seemed like he was in a happy mood. And later he said he missed me and loved me. I decided then I would ask him to try and come sometime this week. I want to see him before he leaves. In fact, I need to see him before he leaves. Thoughts raced through my head all day. I remember him telling me about the Mr. Mystery back in Fergus Falls. That is my concern at the moment. If he goes back, for any length of time, he is bound to run into him. Especially since they never officially broke up. Next, is if he doesn't come back. But I put that thought aside most of the day. Until about an hour ago. I was texting Chels, and I decided that I should start pre-panic procedures. This includes asking Dana if I should panic, for any reason. I feel I have enough reason, and Chels agrees. But I won't panic. Not yet. Not unless Dana says there is or isn't reason. Confusing to you I bet, but it all makes sense in my head, I promise. Most of the day today I spent thinking about Dana. Things we've talked about. Things we haven't talked about. Things I want to talk about. Mr. Mystery being one of them. What happens if he moves back soon? Even though I don't want to talk about them, I have to. But above all else, I need to see him this week. There is no question about that. Just…getting the opportunity to see him is the problem. I have no way to go to the school to see him. I really don't want him walking in this cold. This is probably why he got sick recently. I don't want that happening again. Either way however, I am going to be thinking about him the entire break. I don't know if I'll get to talk to him either. That will be hard if he can't. Speaking of Christmas, I don't even know where our family is having it. It's either here, Heather's or Stephane's. Mom doesn't want to have it here because there are no decorations up. Dad doesn't want to go to Heather's because he claims there is no furniture, no place to sit. Even though there is. He also doesn't want to go to Stephane's because it's two and a half hours away. Either way, people will have to travel. If we have it here, both Heather and Stephane will have to travel. If we have it at Stephane's however; Heather, Cody (Her boyfriend), Shannon (Her friend), dad, Mom, Aunt Vicki, and I will have to travel. If we have it at Heather's; Stephane, Dustin (her fiancé), Josh, and JJ will have to travel. All such a confusing mess… But I'm sure there will be a way around it all. I suppose I can close today by saying, you have no idea how much I miss Dana right now. I absolutely need to see him. I can never go 5 minutes without thinking about him. It is as if, everything I do reminds me of him. Not that it bothers me. One would probably tell me to just trust Dana about Mr. Mystery. But I would tell them, it's just hard to trust him that much right now. Considering he put me through 6 and a half weeks of hell. I can't trust him that much yet, especially since we haven't talked enough. Instead of putting in a separate blog entry for the song of the day, I'll add it at the end of my normal blog. It's up to you to look at the lyrics. So, goodnight. I'll talk to you all again soon.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Good evening. Well, I had a scare there for a while. Dana doesn't have strep throat. That's quite a relief. He was then trying to tell me he didn't want to get me sick, or my family sick and I shot those down. I said that getting whatever he has will be worth him staying overnight. As for my mom, she won't be near enough, and dad will be gone. He said he will think tomorrow at school, and he'll call me after school. I sure hope he says yes. I would love nothing more than that. However, if he says no, then I'll ask next week. I want him to come over before Christmas break. Then, as for my birthday….well…that will be later. I'll talk about that later sometime. I also forgot to write about Gerron last time. I'll do that when I get around to it. I went to Rissi's today, we didn't play Singstar, but we watched the Graduate. And then Chels and I went to my house to watch NCIS. Which is the most awesome show. I'm just imagining what it would be like to have Dana here, for that long. For the entire night. I added at the end of the conversation, "You realize, that if you say yes, you will fall asleep in the bed next to me, and wake up there too. I would give anything for that, even if it means getting sick." Hopefully, that will make his mind. But, I suppose time will tell. For now, we must sleep….because tomorrow may or may not be a big day. I still have to get up early to make Ashnard's lunch….and wake him up…icky. I can close tonight, by saying that I hope to have a good dream, thinking of all that could happen if he comes tomorrow. Also, saying that he does say yes. So, I will NOT blog tomorrow if he comes. I WILL if he does not. So, watch for what happens. Goodnight.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Ah, good evening on this very cold night. Today was another, rather boring day. It snowed yesterday. Big snowstorm. Around 11 inches or so here, not really all that bad. Except now it's like…freezing cold. But my room is like that often. Dana is sick, which is why he hasn't called. I don't mind, he needs rest, so he can be better by Friday. I really, really want him to come over. Mom still hasn't answered yet, she's still thinking about it. I called Lorie today, and we've thought of better ways to get me motivated. She suggests that I print my textbook, and take it with me, so I don't have to worry about trying to stay concentrated while I sit at the computer. She also suggested that I e-mail all of my teachers so that I can find out what assignments will give me the most points, then work on the rest of them. I will e-mail them tomorrow; it's on my to-do list. Mom has an appointment tomorrow at 11:30 to get her stitches and pins out. Then, hopefully she can start recovering better. Although when she comes home, it will be like before, since she will get put under when they do that. I was rather bored today as well, since Angel won't let me in, and Chels slept until 2. Even though Holmen had the day off of school today, no one talked to me. I didn't talk to Jeff today either. Gerron visited last night. I told Jeff about Gerron, and he thought it as a little crazy at first. I mean, Gerron has been in my dreams since I was like….8. You know what, I'll just write another blog about Gerron. I actually started to like my old sleeping habits. Falling asleep after midnight. Waking up before 6:30. Now that I have to get dad up every morning, it's changing again. I start getting tired at like….8. I fall asleep at around 10:30. And wake up at 5:30. It bothers me actually. At least everything else has returned to a comfortable region. Now that I know Dana isn't ignoring me, it makes things easier. I mean, if I really want him to come Friday, he has to be healthy, which means he needs all the rest he can get right now. Well, I believe that is all for tonight. Goodnight.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Hello on this December the 7^th, 2008. Today wasn't such a great day. I woke up with a Charlie-horse at 2:30. However, I did get to sleep until 7. It was a boring day otherwise. Dana didn't call tonight. Although I called him, and Jessi. Jessi ignored me twice out of the three times I called her. That kind of made me angry. I really want to tell him about Friday, so that he can ask now. Mom isn't in such a great mood, because she realizes I cannot decorate the entire house by myself. Not to mention Ashnard (dad) is putting her in a bad mood. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should write him an e-mail. I probably will. Yesterday was cookie baking day, and I decided not to ask Dana to come, not that he would have answered my calls anyway. It would have been nice though. Ah well. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow with school. We got quite a bit of cooking done yesterday, which is good. But there is still a lot to do. I really want Dana to come over Friday and stay. I would love that so much. Just like I love him. Being able to spend time with him like that is just…happy making as Chels would say. Hm. We will have to see. Mom still hasn't made up her mind yet though. I believe she will. Well, I have to get to bed, since I have to get Ashnard up at 5:30 *grumbles*. Goodnight and sweet dreams.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Good evening on this December the 5^th, 2008. I fell asleep early the last two nights, so that's why I didn't blog. But here it is now. Dana came yesterday. It was relieving to have him near again. Cuddling with him, and kissing him, it was all just…happy. He has always made me happy when he's around. I always feel good around him. I've never felt so happy around someone. I asked Mom three, two rather large, questions tonight. The first is whether he could come tomorrow, so I could spend time with him after cookie baking. She was quite hesitant. But she agreed, as long as Stephane said it was okay. Heather I know won't have a problem with it. The next question however, was the easy one. I asked her if it was okay if Dana came after school Wednesday. She agreed to that. The next one is yet unresolved, and was the hardest one. I asked if she would let him stay over next Friday. I made very good arguments. We can't do anything because she is one floor down, and over from my bedroom. It's hard to do anything, because she can even hear me pace on my floor. And besides, if Dad heard something like that…that would not be pretty. I wouldn't risk doing that, along with the fallout I'd get from Mom. Also, she has the ability to call me whenever she wants, making me go downstairs to do anything for her. And I promised myself I wouldn't have sex until after I turned 17. Which is another year away. So, she asked what if HE can't wait. I told her I'd make him. She said she'd have to think about it. I'm not in any rush, due to the fact that Dana has no idea of any of this. But whenever I talk to him next, I'll be sure to let him know. Other than that, nothing has happened really. Chels came over for a short time. I really want, if anything, for him to stay Friday night. I would love that more than anything. I'll be sure to let you know what happens. As for now, goodnight.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Good evening. Blah…Dana and Jessi didn't come over today. They said that they forgot to ask, which doesn't surprise me, yet I can believe it. It was quite upsetting though…I took the entire afternoon to clean my room…get rid of all the pop cans…I even vacuumed. I worked all day today for him to come over. And he forgets. Ah well, he promised he'd try tomorrow. There isn't much else I can do. I tempted him though. I told him there were presents waiting for him. Hehe. Not that I'm saying he forgot purposely. Ah well. Chels didn't come over today; she went home sick from work today. So I told her not to worry about coming over and just go home and rest. Her step-dad wasn't helping her. But then again, that's why we call him Asshole. I got up, and then started laundry. I've decided that my days start at 11. Since that's when my mind is completely awake. I really don't like having to wake dad up in the mornings. But at least Mom is getting to the point where she can go the entire night without needing to go to the bathroom. That way I can have plenty of sleep to get up at 5:30. I think that's all there is to talk about tonight. So, all I can say is I hope Dana comes over tomorrow. Goodnight.

Today’s Song: Faith of the Heart by Russell Watson

It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing's in my way
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna hold me down

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I've finally have my day

And I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna change my mind

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, faith of the heart

I've known the wind so cold, and seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain.
But I'll be fine.

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith

I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart will take me.
I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart.

It's been a long road.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Ah, the first fay of December. Icky. Dana called tonight, and he said Jessi and him are going to try and come over tomorrow. Which is good. I've started to clean my room, haha. Yea…funny I know. It will be nice to see him again…perhaps we'll even kiss again. Oh…that would be nice. Its been so long since I've even seen him, and now that we're back together, I'd like to see him again. And it'll also be nice to see Jessi. Chels is also coming over before they do. Things are brightening now, and I like that. I only got up once last night for Mom. At 4:30, and then at 5:30 to get dad up. Perhaps we'll get through the entire night tonight. That would be nice. This is all starting to tire me out. You know, I think everything will sink in once I see him again. I will have to bring them to my room, since dad will be home. Mom has to go the doctor at 2:20. I also have to take a morning shower…tomorrow is a busy day. I'll have to do school work, then clean, then work some more. But the reward will be good. Ah…the realm of sleep. One of the most wonderful things. Gerron visited last night. I don't remember the majoity of what he said, but he said something about being back with Dana. He was happy about it, and congratulated me. Or us you could say…since he is my sub-conscience. Its actually not cold in my room tonight either. Which is nice. Hm, well, I'm going to finish watching David Letterman, then read and then sleep. Goodnight.

Today’s Song: Nothing Brings Me Down by Emiliana Torrini

Home alone and happy
Nothing brings me down
Full of wine, unsteady
Nothing brings me down
What's left of the rain runs down my roof
Nothing brings me down
The night is lush the air is still
Nothing brings me down

Dum dum dum dum dum dum

The windows are open, the flies are in
Nothing brings me down
The phones are off the music's on
Nothing brings me down

Dum dum dum dum dum dum

Home alone and happy
Nothing brings me down
My love for you is ready
Nothing brings me down
My love for you is ready

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Good evening on this November the 30^th, 2008. I have begun this blog at 9:05, I intend on calling Dana in the next 5 minutes. I know it's becoming predictable by now, that when he says he will call, he doesn't. That just makes me all the more persistent J. Haha. Anyway, I got up at 2 and 6 for Mom today, which means things are getting better. There was no snow on the ground at 2, but there was at 6. And it just kept growing; in fact it is still snowing. Icky. I don't like snow. Today was rather boring; I didn't do much of anything at all. Tomorrow is also Monday, which means school again…that's icky too. But it has to get done. Normally, today would be week 7. Ah…it feels nice that things are going back to comfortable. It appears as if Dana is going to talk to me tonight, which is good. I will finish this blog when I'm done talking to him. Well, that was relieving. We're back to where we were before, added all of what happened in the past 7 weeks. Wounds can start to heal faster now. The next problem is: when do I get to see him next? A later detail. I have nothing really to do tomorrow. I probably should sleep, so I can get up easier if Mom needs me to night. So, goodnight everyone.

Today’s Song: All You Want by Dido

I'd like to watch you sleep at night
To hear you breathe by my side
And although sleep leaves me behind
There's nowhere I'd rather be
And now our bed is oh so cold
My hands feel empty
No one to hold
And I can sleep what side I want
It's not the same with you gone

Oh, if you'd come home
I'll let you know that
All you want
Is right here in this room
All you want
And all you need
Is sitting here with you
All you want

It's been three years
One night apart
But in that night you tore my heart
If only you had slept alone
If those seeds had not been sown
Oh you could come home
And you would know that

All you want
Is right here in this room
All you want
And all you need is sitting here with you
All you want

I hear your key turning in the door
I won't be hearing that sound anymore
And you and your sin
Can leave the way you just came in
Send my regards to her
I hope you find that......

All you want
Is right there in that room
All you want
And all you need is sitting there with you
All you want

I'd like to watch you sleep at night
To hear you breathe by my side

Saturday, November 29, 2008

It's hard to believe that today is Friday. Last night ended on a good note. Dana returned my call. I remember, the first thing he said was that he was watching YouTube and he thought of me. I asked why. He said he had been watching a Skins clip. We talked a little more about Skins, and he had said he thought about how much he misses me. I thought to myself here it comes. He said "I know I sound silly right now. I want you back." My heart sank, and I tried to keep from crying. I told him, "Remember when I said if you ever wanted to come back, my heart would always be open. I meant that Dana." So, he asked a while later, "So, are we back to normal? Together?" I said of course we are. He also told me that he was going to call Thursday, but he didn't. I told him we wouldn't be able to see each other easily for at least 4 weeks, because Mom not being able to drive. He pointed out, "You realize that in 4 weeks, it's Christmas?" He informed me he was going to his Mom's house for Christmas. All I thought to myself was just come back afterwards. He said later, "I guess the song, our song was right. I found my way back." Tears actually did start rolling down my face. I can't wait to see him again. It's almost as if we are starting over. Something tells me we aren't just going to jump back where we left off. For one, I'm not going to be as easy on him. Of course, I'm not sure I can be really hard on him either. Hm, that's for a later date, not now. I'm just happy that finally things are going back to my comfort zone. Of course, not everything has returned to that zone. Obviously, I'm still up at 11:14, I haven't eaten much today although right now my stomach is reminding me that right now. I haven't had an anxiety attack today. At about 12, I had Rissi come over and watch Mom while Dad and I went to the store. Chels came shortly after that. I took Rissi home around 6, in the golf cart, which was fun. I suddenly remember why I liked driving that thing. J I came back, and Chels was still there. I offered to let her stay longer. She ended up leaving around 10:40, haha. I liked that though. Mom isn't doing as well as I would like her to be. She feels sick, and can hardly get up and move when she needs to go to the bathroom. She doesn't want to take her pain medication because it makes her stomach upset. She called the doctor's resident. She is going to put her on a different medication, so it's easier on her stomach. She also had a fit because of the one small step that we have from our Dining Room into our Kitchen. Although, before they didn't. She also doesn't have a choice when she needs to go to the bathroom; she needs to go up that step. Last night, or rather this morning I was up at 1, 5, and 8 to help her to the bathroom. It doesn't bother me, because someone has to do it, and you don't see Dad doing it, do you? The anesthesia is supposed to wear off tomorrow, which is a good thing, which should start helping things. And then she should be able to get to the bathroom herself at night and stuff, so I don't have to be on call. That's what it feels like anyway. I may actually get to bed before midnight lately, because I am dead tired. Chels is coming back over on Monday, which is going to be good. I do wonder when I will get to see Dana. You know, that's one thing that won't change. I will still constantly think about him. I haven't had time to work on my novel lately, so that's behind. It's hard to believe tomorrow is the last day of November already. I also need to go visit the spot sometime soon, although I'm sure the Goddess will understand I have to watch Mom. Well, I believe that shall be it for tonight. Goodnight everyone. J

Today’s Song: Take My Hand by Dido

Touch my skin, and tell me what you're thinking
Take my hand and show me where were going
Lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing
So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling
What you feel now is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
Ill always be alone
If I'm lying to you
See my eyes, they carry your reflection
Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart and show me, show me what you're doing
So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling
What you feel now is what I feel for you

Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
Ill always be alone
If I'm lying to you
Take your time, if I'm lying to you
I know you'll find that you believe me
You believe me

Feel the sun on your face and tell me what you're thinking
Catch the snow on your tongue and show me how it tastes
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
Ill always be alone
If I'm lying to you
Take your time, if I'm lying to you
I know you'll find that you believe me
You believe me

Friday, November 28, 2008

Good day. I woke up at 5 this morning, since we had to leave for Mom's surgery. I had one brownie before we left. We didn't get home until 3:30. It was a long day. We had to go to Grandmother's house to get a walker for Mom. That surfaced some memories, that hurt. The trees where we last kissed that night. Where the ferris wheel was that night. The spot under the dock, the porch on Grandmother's house where I paced back and forth waiting for Mom to arrive, where I had butterflies in my stomach. All of that. It wasn't so painful seeing it, it was painful leaving it. And then, halfway on the way home, I suddenly realized that we would be passing by his house. I ended up get more and more nervous the closer we got. Probably nervous that I would see him. I didn't, but I did see his van in his driveway. Jeff and I worked out everything. So, that's a relief. Now, just for Dana to call. Just to get this over with. It's been a tired, stressful day. I just need sleep. Which should come easily tonight, since I'm already falling asleep. If something happens soon, I'll write a supplemental blog. Goodnight.

Today’s Song: Fallen by Sarah McLachlan

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I wish I could say my Thanksgiving was happy. All I could think about was Dana and Jeff. How Dana is showing interest again. How Jeff is pissed at me. It's all so difficult. I half want Dana to just call, and get this over with. The other half of me is afraid. I'm going to avoid talking about those two, or that entire subject tonight, since there isn't anything new. Mom is getting quite nervous. We have to get into the hospital by 7:30 tomorrow morning. We'll have to leave between 6:30 and 7. Thankfully, dad isn't staying the entire time. Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do the entire time. I know Heather will be coming. That will keep me busy for a little bit. I'll blog at that time too, assuming I can use my laptop in the lobby. I hope so anyways. Otherwise it will be quite boring. Well, I suppose now would be a good time to talk about what I did at my Aunt's house. It wasn't all that interesting really. I ate more than I have in quite some time. And my stomach wasn't used to that. Hm……it was nice to see JJ again. Other than that, it was boring. And that being said, I don't believe there is anything else to talk about. So, goodnight.

Today’s Song: Calling All Angels by Jane Sibbery

Santa Maria, Santa Teresa, Santa Anna, Santa Susannah
Santa Cecilia, Santa Copeilia, Santa Dominica, Mary Angelica
Frater Ached, Frater Pietro, Julianus, Petronella
Santa, Santos, Miroslaw, Vladimir
And all the rest

A man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
And high above the church bells start to ring
And as the heaviness the body
Oh the heaviness settles in
Somewhere you can hear a mother sing

Then its one foot then the other
As you step out onto the road
How much weight? How much weight?
Then it's how long? And how far?
And how many times before its to late?

Calling all angels
Calling all angels
Walk me through this one
Don't leave me alone
Calling all angels
Calling all angels
We're cryin' and we're hurtin'
And we're not sure why...

And every day you gaze upon the sunset
With such love and intensity
Why it's...it's almost as if
If you could only crack the code
Then you'd finally understand what this all means

But if you could...do you think you would
Trade it in
All the pain and suffering?
Ah, but then you'd miss
The beauty of the light upon this earth
And the sweetness of the leaving

Calling all angels
Calling all angels
Walk me through this one
Don't leave me alone
Callin' all angels
Callin' all angels
We're tryin'
We're hopin'
We're hurtin'
We're lovin'
We're cryin'
We're callin'
'Cause we're not sure how this goes

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with this morning. Well, as usual Dana was in my dream, and in my thoughts when I woke up. My mom left for a doctor's appointment at 9. I was supposed to go to Rissi's today, but I couldn't. Mom didn't want to go anywhere. Chels was able to come for 45 minutes, only cause Mom said she could stay for an hour. After that, the rest of the day went downhill. I visited our spot on the prarie today. It was quite emotional. I cried, so hard and for so long. Amazing that it's still there after what….7 weeks or so now. I sang the Song for a Winter's Night. Cried during that, and Find My Way Back, cried during that too. But the night gets worse. Jeff is mad at me. Because I told him that Dana called Monday. And he showed curiosity, asking why I fell in love with him and all that. Jeff said to me, "you know what's going to happen now, right?" So of course, I asked what. "he's going to call you again. And say he loves you, and you're just going to forget all of what has happened and take him back." I probably would too. After all, Jeff has been right so far. So, he did admit he is mad at me. Because, I have hurt him. He loves me, and all I can do is think of Dana. Before he left tonight, he said "gotta go. We'll work this out later. Maybe". I thought to myself, great…another thing that I've managed to screw up. If only there were one magic answer. If only I knew what was going to happen. But as Jon would say, "I don't have a crystal ball". I'm leaving to Aunt Vicki's at 11, and it will be me, Dad, Vicki, Stephane, Josh and JJ. Mom is going to stay with Heather and Cody at home so Heather has someone to spend Thanksgiving with. Well, Dana didn't call tonight. Not surprised. I have started that novel. I've got 1,079 words or something like that written. I was thinking to myself today how I would like to be an NCIS Special Agent. I mean, it would be rewarding, fun, I'd get to see more of the world. I'd get to help people. But that will be for later consideration. I still have a while to figure it out. I have to get all of this current mess resolved before I can think about a future. I like writing my blogs. It helps my thoughts silence themselves so I can fall asleep….whenever I do. I am afraid I may not be able to break this sleeping habit. If it's been 6 weeks since it started and it's not gotten better, then I may be stuck with it a while longer. But at least I know I'm not the only one up in the late hours of night. Chels is always up late. Which is good, it gives me someone to talk to until I get tired enough to sleep, or attempt sleep for that matter. Rissi and I RP until she falls asleep. We have quite an intersting storyline. My characters are Luke, Lucinda, Lethe, JJ, Voulg, and Naliah. Rissi's characters are William, Gracia, and Valentin. Luke is a White Dragon/Fury/Warlock/Human. Lucinda is Luke's grandmother. Lethe is a Cat/Human. JJ is Luke's lover who recently died. Voulg is Luke's half brother and he is a Wolf/Human. Naliah is Luke's half sister and she too is a Wolf/Human. William is a Predo. Gracia is a Predo as well, she's the antagonist in the storyline. Valentin is a newcommer and is a Hunter of sorts. I'll talk more about them later. It's almost time for David Letterman. I hope things get better soon. Goodnight everyone.

Today’s Song: Find My Way Back by Martha Byrne

You had the bluest eyes
A stare I memorized
Like a sacred prayer

You didn't have that much to say
But I listened anyway
I could see right through

I held on for so long
'Cause somehow I knew

Like a breath of air
You were always there
And I will find my way back
Even on my own
You are my home
And I will find my way back

I know you so well
There are things I'll never tell
Now your secret's safe

I've been walkin' next to you
What you want, I wanted too
Now just take my hand

Time may be broken
But we are strong

Like a breath of air
You were always there
And I will find my way back
And wherever I go
You are my soul
And I will find my way back

To you
You could turn on me
You could run away
But no matter what you do
I will always be in love with you

Like a breath of air
You were always there
And I will find my way back
Even on my own
You are my home
And I will find my way back

Like a breath of air
You were always there
And I will find my way back

And wherever you go
You're in my soul
And you will find your way back
And you will find your way back
And I will find my way back

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Good day. It wasn't really an intersting day. I had a class of sorts that lasted a little over an hour. I got to know some of the kids in my school, that Lorie deals with anyway. Some of them are quite interesting. Remember how I said that he said he'd call? I decided to wait until 9:25 this evening to try and be presistant. Ha, that got me no where. He didn't call. I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised. But yet it still manages to get to me. The only thing I can do now is wait until Friday and try calling him again. I did go to Rissi's house today. We didn't do a whole lot. I'm supposed to go to her house tomorrow to work on our GSA proposals. I haven't heard from Jeff in quite some time. I am thinking he's just out for Thanksgiving. I hope he's not mad at me or anything. He promised me he wasn't. After I came home from Rissi's house, things weren't going well. Mom was on the phone with my sister, Sephane. She had said she wasn't coming down for Thanksgiving. Heather already can't come because she has to work, and mom was going to stay at home with her. Which would leave me with just Dad and Aunt Vicki. Dad said if it was just going to be that, he wasn't going to go anywhere. But that just wouldn't be right. Stephane called later and said that she was going to come down and that she and Josh(her ex boyfriend, JJ's father), and JJ (My nephew) would have to leave at 6. Thanksgiving just isn't going to seem right this year I guess. Ah, there it goes again. It's just nothing seems to work to get him out of my head. I love him, I really really do. I hope he comes back. Yesterday he gave me hope, that perhaps he was re-thinking things, or at least starting to. He said he'd call tonight, but he didn't. I called him three times and sent one text message. But that ended in failiure obviously. I guess all I can do is wait. Maybe he'll call tomorrow. I won't answer if he calls Thursday, he shouldn't anyway. But Friday I'll be presistant again. I'll call like normal. At 9 o'clock. Well, I guess that's all for tonight. Goodnight everybody.

Today’s Song: Song for a Winter’s Night by Sarah McLachlan

The lamp is burnin' low upon my table top
The snow is softly fallin'
The air is still in the silence of my room
I hear you voice softly calling

If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter's night with you

The smoke is rising in the shadows overheard
My glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon each page
The words of love you sent me

If I could know within my heart
That you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter's night with you

The fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim
The shades of night are liftin'
The mornin' light steals across my window pane
Where webs of snow are driftin'

If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter's night with you
And to be once again with you
To be once again with you

Monday, November 24, 2008

Good day everyone. It's been an interesting day. I woke up at, yup, you guessed it 6:00. My mom called at 8, to make sure I was up since my appointment was at 9. We started to leave at 8:30 or so, and I get a text message. I said to my mom "that could be one of two people, Chels or Rissi." Turns out, it was neither. "Guten Morgan" the message read. At the end, the signature read "Dana" I replied by saying "Morning…" I then sent a text to Chels, making sure she was still coming over today. So, I went into see Jon, and he told me quite a bit. Of course, as always it was good and made sense. I left in a good mood. I knew that I had to think about what he said, but I decided to wait until I got home to do that. I looked at my phone to see what Chels had said back, and I had another message from Dana. It said "How did you wake up this morning, truthfully." I thought to myself, great, she told him. I replied "…she told you. Well, I woke up thinking about you, like I have since Tuesday Dana." I received nothing back, I didn't expect to. So I got home, and I did my work for the day with school, made my next action plan and sent it to Lorie. I couldn't do anything with catch-up work until she e-mailed me back, and she didn't So, I waitied for Chels to come over. She was early, like she normally is on Mondays. So we played Super Smash Bros. Melee, then Metroid Prime 2. Then, she left at 5:30. I knew I was calling Dana today, yet I didn't try at that time. Instead, I went outside and I listened to music and texted Chels and Emily. I came in to eat, and I called Dana before I called Emily at 7. His phone was off, yet Jessi's phone was on. It didn't bother me much, I was going to try again at 9 anyway. When 9 came around, I figured I'd give him 15 minutes to call on his own before I went to be my presistant self. He called back at 9:25 or so. Right away he started being curious. He asked why I fell in love with him. He asked why I loved him so much. He asked about how I could love someone so much to not sleep, and not eat, to wake up crying. I told him, that the man I always dreamed that I'd spend the rest of my life with, the man that I always dreamed I'd love forever had so many things in common with him. He said that he'd call tomorrow, after 9 of course. We said goodnight and that was it. I feel as if something is sparking, even just a little. Like I said, just a matter of time. Everything is a matter of time. I really believe that this will turn out good, at one point or another. In the mean time, I have to hold on. He'll call tomorrow and I will hopefully get more of his thought processes. So, I have to finish this before midnight, so goodnight.

Today’s Song: Good Enough by Evanescence

Under your spell again
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't have let you tourture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
And I've completley lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you conquer me completley
Now I can't let go of this dream
Can't believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
It's been such a long time coming but I feel good

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough
Am I good enough for you to love me to?

So take care what you ask of me
Because I can't say no.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I have marked today as the beginning of my recovery. It's also the 6 week mark. I woke up this morning crying again. My dream last night was once again about Dana, as it has been since Tuesday. I again didn't eat much today either. You know, when you look at all the things that have been going on since Tuesday, you realize how hard this really has been. I haven't been able to go five minutes without thinking about him, I've dreamed about nothing but him, I haven't eaten much, my sleeping habits, anxiety attack. At least that's what I'm calling them, anxiety attacks. It's a sharp pain I get in my chest that lasts for around an hour or so, and I only get them when I'm stressed. All that together, when I think about it, seems like this is extremley hard on me. It wasn't that hard to start loving him, yet it seems to hard to stop. Gerron didn't visit last night. I wish there was some way that all this could just….end. Either make me move on, or make him come back. I can't handle doing this very long. I am seriously considering writing that novel. I'm not sure what it will be about, but I'm quite sure I'll do it. Jessi messaged me on myspace after I had told her what I just wrote here about what I've been going through. She said that he may not like me in the way that I would like him to, but he still cares and he tells her that everyday. And he listens to our song everyday as well. Find My Way Back by Martha Byrne. That tells me that it's still there. We still have it. That we will find our way back. In time. Everything is just a matter of time. I have a little bit of my book, INVASION! Star Trek Voyager: The Final Fury, left. I'm not sure what I'll read after that. Chels said she was coming over tomorrow. I hope she does, she'll provide a good distraction after I see Jon. Mom says she's staying behind for Thanksgiving, because Heather can't go. Stephane and dad don't like her, but mom and I can see that she's making progress. I feel that our family is torn when it comes to Heather. Mom and I support her, and Stephane and dad just think that she'll never get anywhere. I'm not sure how Aunt Vicki feels about it, but I would imagine she has a view more like dad's. Tomorrow is Monday, and it's back to school….until Wednesday anyway. I have to e-mail Lorie tomorrow, so that I can keep moving along in my catch-up work. I don't have much else to do tomorrow. I'll wake up, go to see Jon, then come home and work on some work and then Chelsey will come over. That being said, I think I'll start that novel now. So goodnight.

Today’s Song: See Who I Am by Within Temptation

Starting today, I'm going to give a song everyday that fits my mood. I'll give the name in the heading, and the lyrics here. Enjoy today's song J

 

Is it true what they say
Are we blind to find our way
Fear of the unknown
Cloud our hearts today.

Come into my world
See through my eyes
Try to understand
Don't want to lose what we have

We've been dreaming
For who can't deny
It's the best way of living
Between the truth and the lies

See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands
This is not the end

Fear is withering the soul
At the point of no return
We must be the change we wish to see

I'll come into your world
See through your eyes
I'll try to understand
Before we lose what we have

We just can't stop believing
Because we have to try
We can rise above the truth and the lies

See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands

See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands
This is not the end

Hear the silence
Reach out my blame
Will our strength remain?
If the power rise

See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands

See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands
This is not the end

The Story of Dana

Rissi had told me one day of a new freshman, named Dana. This was near the beginning of school. She had told me a little of him, mostly that he was gay. At this time, I was dating Jeff, who is from New York. But we loved each other, very much. So, the third week of school, Tuesday during Shakespeare Club, I finalliy met Dana. I looked at him, and I could feel myself blush. We went the entire time, and I was trying to ignore the fact that I was starting to like him. And then I went to the dance that Friday. He asked me out that night, and I said yes. Jeff had already known of Dana and said it would be ok if I wanted to date him, since Dana could give me more than he could. So, the very next week was homecomming. I went to the dance, and that was the first night we kissed. My mom and sister found out I was gay the very next day. The next Friday, I went to the Oktoberfest with him, which is where we rode the ferris wheel together, and kissed with tounge for the first time. It was a great night. A week after, he informed me that he may have to move back to Fergus Falls in June. But, then a week after this he decided that we needed a break. I was already not doing well, but to do that to me, for no plausable reason just hurt. And then the very next day, he said we needed to be just friends for a while. So, 5 weeks went by, and I found out that he had recently started to think, THINK, he loves someone else. So, of course, I was really hurt at this point. From here on, the rest of the story you already know.

Satruday, November 22, 2008

Well, today was a bit interesting. Marissa went to see the movie Twilight. She texted me afterwords and Dana was there with her and a few other people. Dana called me, and I had told him everything but the part where if he ever wanted to come back, my heart would be open to him. He had to leave before I could do that. So he called about two hours later, and I had told him that. I thought I would have felt better saying all that, but I actually didn't. I felt worse. Or perhaps it was the fact that he didn't have anything to day. I really want him to say something about it. I also made a promise to myself to call him only on Mondays and Thursdays. So when I call Monday, I am going to ask him to say at least something about it, not nothing. Perhaps if he says something about it, it will make me feel better. Gerron, who visits my dreams every so often, visited last night. I believe him to be my sub-consience. He bares a resemblance to me, but he thinks on a higher level than I do, and he knows everything I do. He told me not to give up hope, that he will return one day. But he said it wouldn't be in the very short-term. Which I would figure is a month or so. My music helps me cope with everything so much. So do Chels, Rissi, Jacob and Jeff. Emily too. I call them my team. Rissi and Jacob get me through the morning and afternoon, Jeff gets me through the evening, Emily gets me until 9, and then Chels gets me until I fall asleep. Otherwise, I'm quite sure I would go insane. I'm going to post the entire story about Dana, since none of you know about it yet. So, goodnight then.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Well, today wasn't as bad as yesterday was. I didn't wake up crying uncontrollably. My mind is in a little bit of a fog about that, I don't remember what I did from the time I got up, and the time I went downstairs, and even a little after that. I am also still concerned about how I'm eating. I didn't eat much more today than I did yesterday. And I'm writing this at 11:00 at night as well. I miss Dana. I really do, but I cam staying with my mentality. Whatever makes him happy, makes me happy. Because, I love him, and if he doesn't want to be with me right now, then I wound't make him. That would make him unhappy, and then I would be unhappy. I hope to speak to him sometimes very soon, so I can get this part of it over with. I plan to tell him the following: "Dana, I've been thinking. What does it matter to me? I love you Dana, all that matters to me is your happiness. So, if all this makes you happy, then I'm ok with it. I want to stay friends with you, I can't lose you completley. And, if you ever feel you want me back, then, my heart will always be open to you." Because, that's really all that matters. Obviously, my sleeping problems haven't gotten better, or worse for that matter. I just wish they would go back to normal. Going to bed after midnight and waking up before 6:30 is starting to get annoying. I haven't gotten mad with dad in a few days. Mom was snapping at me a couple of times earlier this evening. Other than that, today was pretty uneventful. I had a sophmore class meeting. School is getting better, I'm getting caught up now. I'm considering writing a novel or something, to keep me busy while I'm not doing school work. Well, I have nothing else to add for tonight. Goodnight.

Stardate 55454.5

Its been quite a while since I wrote last. Latley, I've been going on youtube and just searching "homosexual". I've been amazed and entertained at the same time. I met this one guy named Scott. He's really cool. He's a religous person, but he supports gay marriage, gay rights, that sort of stuff. So, I added him on myspace and sent him a message thanking him for supporting people like us, there should be more people like him. Also, since I last wrote, I've become to like Boston Legal. It's a very good show, with very good arguments. In fact, in one of my first blogs, I wrote a quote from Alan Shore, from Boston Legal. You know, I really should do this tommorow when I'm more awake. Well, until tommorow, goodnight.

Stardate 55325.5

Today was a sort of rough day. When I went to school today, when Marissa came, her eyes were red and the look on her face was not good. And when I was going to ask her what was wrong, Jenna came over and didn't help the situation, she was being her normal preppyish self. When I got Marissa away from the group, she finally told me that Matt had committed suicide. It is a plausible thing to say, after all, it has been 2 weeks since any of us have heard from him. That was on my mind all day. On top of the fact that my mom needs surgery and I don't know when or even if I will be here, or in Joliet. On to school matters. I found out I am failing Science at the moment, so I am going to go to Mr. Hanson and request the proper materials to catch-up. In Metal Art, I have 1 project completed so far, and I have until next Friday to finish the 5: Nail Word Art (complete), Nut, Nail, Bolt design, Wire and Clay project(Wire part complete), Lawn Art, and Choice project. I am not sure how many of them I will get done, but I should have at least 2 maybe 3 finished. I will be getting 75 extra credit points for helping with Evergreen's Spring Fling event by face painting, even though I'm not the best at it. In Algebra, we had to write a letter to our parents about how we are doing, which I thought was completely stupid. And then, as always, we had to stay an extra 2 minutes because half of my stupid class doesn't know how to shut up. Anyway, I think that is all for now.

Stardate 55018.5

First day of the week, Monday. I hate mornings. I hate Mondays. The two don't make a very good day. Never have, never will. Anyway, to start off my day in gym. Gym was actually a pretty good class today. I got to suprise the jocks and preps this time. We started floor hockey, and I was on defense. I blocked 3 shots and, at least in my view, without them we would have lost today's game. So that was fun. Study Hall today gave me sufficent time to finish any work I needed to have done today. In Language we did another "fishbowl" discussion. As last time, I didn't say a word. Trevor is a nice enough guy that didn't give me all ones. In Health we started to talk about birth control and contraceptives. Tommorow we are having a guest speaker come in and talk about contraceptives and bring in examples. Fun fun. I never asked Tarissa today why she was crying at lunch, but I may have a theory. I won't expose it here for her sake. We have an early release day on Wednesday. Mallory had read my log from a few days ago and is all pissed off at me, but I don't care. She is a bitch anyway. She was glaring at me after 3rd hour today, but like I said, I don't care, it's her problem. Thats about it for now.

Stardate 55013.0

Today has passed without any great intrest. I took down the indoor decorations today, and thats about all. I got my Explore Test results from the begnnign of the year. This is how it goes: the first is the Score Range which goes from 1, the worst, to 25, the best. The percentage is a percentage of how many students that took the test had the same score or less than mine. For example: 5 is the score. 5% of the students that took this part of the test had this score, or had a lower score. Ok, anyway, here are my scores: English: 22 is the score, 93%. English: Usage/Mechanics:(score range 1-12) 11 is the score, 98%. English: Rhetorical Skills: (Score range 1-12) 10 is the score, 90%. Mathematics: score is 16, 52%. Reading: Score is 13, 39%. Science: score was 25, 100%. So, as you can see, I didn't do too bad on the test. Along with this test, they gave me a "Career Area List" It shows me what kind of jobs I would do really good at. Here they are: Construction & Maintenance: Carpenter, Electrician, Bricklayer. Crafts & Related: Cabinetmaker, Tailor, Chef/Cook, Jewler. Manufacturing & Proccessing: Tool & Die maker, Machinest, Welder, Dry Cleaner. Mechanical & Electrical Specialists: Auto Mechanic, Aircraft Mechanic, Office Machine Repairer. Engineering & Technologies: Engineers (Civil, etc.), Technicians (Laser, etc.), Architect. Natural Science & Technologies: Physicist, Biologist, Chemist, Statistician. Medical Technologies: Pharmacist, Optician, Dietitian, Technologists (Surgical, etc.). As you can see( if you can even understand that) is I have a wide range of jobs availible to me. Now that that is out of the way, I can say that the weekend without having to deal with Rachel is quite nice. I have not heard from Tarissa all day, so I can assume that Mallory is still there. I hate her so much. I made a whole log about that last night, so I am not going to waste another on her. Let's see, what else is there? Ah, yes, Pre-Registration is coming up, so that should be fun. I get to choose all my classes for next year and then enter them into the computer schedule in spring. I'm not sure what I plan on taking yet, but we will see. I want to do something like help out in the Main Office or Guidance Office, but I will have to talk to the Counsellor about it, and see what I need to do. May 24th is Graduation day for Seniors, that is still a ways away, but I am going to miss Lynae after that. Chocolate Lover's Night is Febuary 10th, I have to talk to Mack about that, I really want to go to it. Well, I think that's all that needs talking about right now.

Stardate 55010.3

Echo finally got Rachel to sit at our table at lunch today. Everything was fine until Echo asked her why she was mad at me. She said "Hm....I don't know, why don't you ask Neal? He'll tell you the truth, not." I said "I'm not the one who tells people lies about why your mad at me." And we continued to fight for a little bit, and then she slammed the table and left all pissy. Echo's comment was "All I did was ask her why she hated you." She has become more and more pathetic in my view, but I don't care, she's not a good friend anyway. Gym today was so much fun. All I did in nitroball (a boring game that I absolutley hate) was stand arond, even if the ball came right to me. All the egocentric and jock people got pissed off at me, and I liked it. I also figured Jeremey (who was on the other team) wouldn't get mad because he had free passage behind me to get to the next base. I figured if he complained about that, then he is way too full of himself. I got my schedule changed as well, so I now have what's called "Keyboard Theory" the first half of our 3rd period, and a Study Hall the 2nd half. This will not happen until 3rd and 4th Quarter. I think this has been my 5th schedule change since the beginning of the year, and I also think this will be the last, because I am finally pleased with my schedule. I got through my Homeroom today. There was a Forensics meeting during it, and now I do belive I am going to have two extra speeches to do. A 4 minute informational speech, and a demonstration speech. The 4 min. is a definate one. I'm not entirley sure about what I am going to do it on, but I will have to have it done by Monday, both of them. Other than these things, today was pretty uneventful. We did not have Shakspeare Club tonight because Mr. Aspenson was not there. I have begun to develop a crush........but I wouldnt expose that in a public blog on Myspace, now would I? HAHAHA! You'll have to figure it out on your own!

Stardate 55007.7

Today was rather uneventful. Rachel continues to treat my like a contagious disease or something like that. The day is Thursday and I went to the Boys and Girls club tonight. I came home early because I became bored. This morning i found out that Amanda had told Jane about the Forensics meeting, and Marissa had no clue about it. I'm not entirely sure about that, but I don't doubt it either. I have came up with a new schedule change for school again. I figured since I wasn't sure about taking Spanish anyway, I might drop that and take up the Piano class I wanted to before. As far as I know, it shouldn't interfere with anything else on my schedule, except I may have another Study Hall after that. I still have to talk to the Counsellor about it, but I think it may work, or I will find a way to make it work. Jessika told me that the Piano class is a 2-quarter class, meaning I would have it for the rest of the year, so I wouldn't mind that, and then I can take the rest of the Piano classes too. From what I have heard though, Ms. Lee isn't the greatest teacher, but I think I'll live. We had a "fishbowl" discussion in Language class today, and we had to sit in a circle of about half the class and discuss the most recent story we read. I personally do not like talking in groups. We were told that we would have another in the future, and it will be graded. We watched a cesarean section and two other births in Health class today too, it wasn't all that bad. Some of the guys got queasy, more than the girls surprisingly, except the ones changing for gym class, they couldn't go past the Health window, it was funny actually. Anyway, tomorrow is Friday and we have homeroom tomorrow. I don't mind having homeroom, I just don't like the people of my homeroom. We'll find out what tomorrow brings.