Thursday, December 18, 2008

Good evening! Well, today started off bad, but it got better. I woke up, and all my thoughts from yesterday came back. I went to the school yesterday because Rissi asked me to, and I was under the impression Dana wanted me to. But things took a bad turn. I saw Jackson. I saw Dana look at him. At the time, I didn't like the look he gave him. Yesterday ended badly. This morning I cried because my mind just…wasn't okay. Especially when my mom got mad at me since I forgot to feed the rabbits last night. But then, Rissi told me Dana gave me a card. So I was better then. I went a while without thinking much about him, amazing, I know. But then, I was sitting at the computer, and my phone rings. It took me a few seconds to realize it was Dana's ringer. I quickly answered, and said hello. So, he's coming tomorrow. :D So you won't hear from me tomorrow J. And don't expect me to tell you any details. Because everything that happens tomorrow will not be told to anyone :D. He should be here by 4:30. 5:30 at the latest. If something drastic happens tomorrow, I will blog. Otherwise, I'll be lying behind where I am sitting now. Cuddling with the one I love. Something I have wanted for a long time. Oh…to sleep next to him. To watch him sleep…to watch him wake up. To be the first thing he sees in the morning…the first thing he thinks about. Same goes for me. Having him be the first thing I see in the morning…oh this is going to be just….great. Talking, cuddling, sleeping, and kissing, all in one night. A taste of what will happen later in our lives. I honestly plan to be with him forever. I don't think I could be happier with anyone. This will also make up for our lost 6 and a half weeks. This is just…so great. Hm. Mom is okay with him coming, obviously. I still have to write Emily that letter and have Mom send it Monday when she goes to her appointment. You know, it's going to be a wonderful day tomorrow, and Saturday. J So with that being said, I will leave you tonight. Today's Song: Broken by Seether and Amy Lee. Goodnight everyone. J

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Good evening. There isn't much to talk about this evening. I'm in the middle of writing letters to my friends for Christmas. Including Dana. I have 4 or 5 more to write yet. But I needed to take the time to write this. I didn't talk to Dana tonight. He didn't have his phone on, and I didn't feel like calling Jessi either. But I do desire to talk to him. But I can wait until tomorrow. I grow bored of being pushy. I didn't speak to Emily tonight either. Mom is doing well lately. We still don't know where we are having Christmas either. Something tells me I'm not going to get to see Dana this week. But oh well. There isn't anything I can do about that. But I need to talk to him at least. I think I'm going to finish the letters tomorrow. Hopefully I get to give them to Rissi tomorrow so she can deliver them. That's really all I need to tell him, what's in my letter. But I want to hear what he says about it. I mean…what is he giving me for a present? Ha, that makes me sound needy. Well, I think that's all for tonight. So goodnight.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Good evening. No, Dana did not come on the weekend. I was too tired to blog. But there is a lot to blog about now. Well, he couldn't come because he had a party to go to Saturday, even though he didn't really want to go to it. I tried to convince him to come, saying he'll have to leave by 9:30 in the morning anyway. But that didn't work. The more I thought about it that night, the more I realized that him coming next week would be better. The fact that he could stay longer the next day, he wouldn't feel sick, stuff like that. But when I didn't hear from him all weekend, I got slightly annoyed. He called last night, and so another series of events have unfolded. As things look currently, he will not be coming Friday. The original plan was that he was going to his Mom's on the 21^st. His dad decided later that he was going to go the 28^th. However, his Mom wants him the 21^st, and if his dad doesn't bring him, she will come down to get him this weekend. But it only gets worse. He informed me that his mom threatened his dad to take Dana back home. Yea. As in completely. Last night it never occurred to me whether I should panic or not. I was too tired, and I fell asleep shortly after our conversation. Today, I texted Jenna while at lunch. She said he seemed like he was in a happy mood. And later he said he missed me and loved me. I decided then I would ask him to try and come sometime this week. I want to see him before he leaves. In fact, I need to see him before he leaves. Thoughts raced through my head all day. I remember him telling me about the Mr. Mystery back in Fergus Falls. That is my concern at the moment. If he goes back, for any length of time, he is bound to run into him. Especially since they never officially broke up. Next, is if he doesn't come back. But I put that thought aside most of the day. Until about an hour ago. I was texting Chels, and I decided that I should start pre-panic procedures. This includes asking Dana if I should panic, for any reason. I feel I have enough reason, and Chels agrees. But I won't panic. Not yet. Not unless Dana says there is or isn't reason. Confusing to you I bet, but it all makes sense in my head, I promise. Most of the day today I spent thinking about Dana. Things we've talked about. Things we haven't talked about. Things I want to talk about. Mr. Mystery being one of them. What happens if he moves back soon? Even though I don't want to talk about them, I have to. But above all else, I need to see him this week. There is no question about that. Just…getting the opportunity to see him is the problem. I have no way to go to the school to see him. I really don't want him walking in this cold. This is probably why he got sick recently. I don't want that happening again. Either way however, I am going to be thinking about him the entire break. I don't know if I'll get to talk to him either. That will be hard if he can't. Speaking of Christmas, I don't even know where our family is having it. It's either here, Heather's or Stephane's. Mom doesn't want to have it here because there are no decorations up. Dad doesn't want to go to Heather's because he claims there is no furniture, no place to sit. Even though there is. He also doesn't want to go to Stephane's because it's two and a half hours away. Either way, people will have to travel. If we have it here, both Heather and Stephane will have to travel. If we have it at Stephane's however; Heather, Cody (Her boyfriend), Shannon (Her friend), dad, Mom, Aunt Vicki, and I will have to travel. If we have it at Heather's; Stephane, Dustin (her fiancé), Josh, and JJ will have to travel. All such a confusing mess… But I'm sure there will be a way around it all. I suppose I can close today by saying, you have no idea how much I miss Dana right now. I absolutely need to see him. I can never go 5 minutes without thinking about him. It is as if, everything I do reminds me of him. Not that it bothers me. One would probably tell me to just trust Dana about Mr. Mystery. But I would tell them, it's just hard to trust him that much right now. Considering he put me through 6 and a half weeks of hell. I can't trust him that much yet, especially since we haven't talked enough. Instead of putting in a separate blog entry for the song of the day, I'll add it at the end of my normal blog. It's up to you to look at the lyrics. So, goodnight. I'll talk to you all again soon.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Good evening. Well, I had a scare there for a while. Dana doesn't have strep throat. That's quite a relief. He was then trying to tell me he didn't want to get me sick, or my family sick and I shot those down. I said that getting whatever he has will be worth him staying overnight. As for my mom, she won't be near enough, and dad will be gone. He said he will think tomorrow at school, and he'll call me after school. I sure hope he says yes. I would love nothing more than that. However, if he says no, then I'll ask next week. I want him to come over before Christmas break. Then, as for my birthday….well…that will be later. I'll talk about that later sometime. I also forgot to write about Gerron last time. I'll do that when I get around to it. I went to Rissi's today, we didn't play Singstar, but we watched the Graduate. And then Chels and I went to my house to watch NCIS. Which is the most awesome show. I'm just imagining what it would be like to have Dana here, for that long. For the entire night. I added at the end of the conversation, "You realize, that if you say yes, you will fall asleep in the bed next to me, and wake up there too. I would give anything for that, even if it means getting sick." Hopefully, that will make his mind. But, I suppose time will tell. For now, we must sleep….because tomorrow may or may not be a big day. I still have to get up early to make Ashnard's lunch….and wake him up…icky. I can close tonight, by saying that I hope to have a good dream, thinking of all that could happen if he comes tomorrow. Also, saying that he does say yes. So, I will NOT blog tomorrow if he comes. I WILL if he does not. So, watch for what happens. Goodnight.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Ah, good evening on this very cold night. Today was another, rather boring day. It snowed yesterday. Big snowstorm. Around 11 inches or so here, not really all that bad. Except now it's like…freezing cold. But my room is like that often. Dana is sick, which is why he hasn't called. I don't mind, he needs rest, so he can be better by Friday. I really, really want him to come over. Mom still hasn't answered yet, she's still thinking about it. I called Lorie today, and we've thought of better ways to get me motivated. She suggests that I print my textbook, and take it with me, so I don't have to worry about trying to stay concentrated while I sit at the computer. She also suggested that I e-mail all of my teachers so that I can find out what assignments will give me the most points, then work on the rest of them. I will e-mail them tomorrow; it's on my to-do list. Mom has an appointment tomorrow at 11:30 to get her stitches and pins out. Then, hopefully she can start recovering better. Although when she comes home, it will be like before, since she will get put under when they do that. I was rather bored today as well, since Angel won't let me in, and Chels slept until 2. Even though Holmen had the day off of school today, no one talked to me. I didn't talk to Jeff today either. Gerron visited last night. I told Jeff about Gerron, and he thought it as a little crazy at first. I mean, Gerron has been in my dreams since I was like….8. You know what, I'll just write another blog about Gerron. I actually started to like my old sleeping habits. Falling asleep after midnight. Waking up before 6:30. Now that I have to get dad up every morning, it's changing again. I start getting tired at like….8. I fall asleep at around 10:30. And wake up at 5:30. It bothers me actually. At least everything else has returned to a comfortable region. Now that I know Dana isn't ignoring me, it makes things easier. I mean, if I really want him to come Friday, he has to be healthy, which means he needs all the rest he can get right now. Well, I believe that is all for tonight. Goodnight.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Hello on this December the 7^th, 2008. Today wasn't such a great day. I woke up with a Charlie-horse at 2:30. However, I did get to sleep until 7. It was a boring day otherwise. Dana didn't call tonight. Although I called him, and Jessi. Jessi ignored me twice out of the three times I called her. That kind of made me angry. I really want to tell him about Friday, so that he can ask now. Mom isn't in such a great mood, because she realizes I cannot decorate the entire house by myself. Not to mention Ashnard (dad) is putting her in a bad mood. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should write him an e-mail. I probably will. Yesterday was cookie baking day, and I decided not to ask Dana to come, not that he would have answered my calls anyway. It would have been nice though. Ah well. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow with school. We got quite a bit of cooking done yesterday, which is good. But there is still a lot to do. I really want Dana to come over Friday and stay. I would love that so much. Just like I love him. Being able to spend time with him like that is just…happy making as Chels would say. Hm. We will have to see. Mom still hasn't made up her mind yet though. I believe she will. Well, I have to get to bed, since I have to get Ashnard up at 5:30 *grumbles*. Goodnight and sweet dreams.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Good evening on this December the 5^th, 2008. I fell asleep early the last two nights, so that's why I didn't blog. But here it is now. Dana came yesterday. It was relieving to have him near again. Cuddling with him, and kissing him, it was all just…happy. He has always made me happy when he's around. I always feel good around him. I've never felt so happy around someone. I asked Mom three, two rather large, questions tonight. The first is whether he could come tomorrow, so I could spend time with him after cookie baking. She was quite hesitant. But she agreed, as long as Stephane said it was okay. Heather I know won't have a problem with it. The next question however, was the easy one. I asked her if it was okay if Dana came after school Wednesday. She agreed to that. The next one is yet unresolved, and was the hardest one. I asked if she would let him stay over next Friday. I made very good arguments. We can't do anything because she is one floor down, and over from my bedroom. It's hard to do anything, because she can even hear me pace on my floor. And besides, if Dad heard something like that…that would not be pretty. I wouldn't risk doing that, along with the fallout I'd get from Mom. Also, she has the ability to call me whenever she wants, making me go downstairs to do anything for her. And I promised myself I wouldn't have sex until after I turned 17. Which is another year away. So, she asked what if HE can't wait. I told her I'd make him. She said she'd have to think about it. I'm not in any rush, due to the fact that Dana has no idea of any of this. But whenever I talk to him next, I'll be sure to let him know. Other than that, nothing has happened really. Chels came over for a short time. I really want, if anything, for him to stay Friday night. I would love that more than anything. I'll be sure to let you know what happens. As for now, goodnight.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Good evening. Blah…Dana and Jessi didn't come over today. They said that they forgot to ask, which doesn't surprise me, yet I can believe it. It was quite upsetting though…I took the entire afternoon to clean my room…get rid of all the pop cans…I even vacuumed. I worked all day today for him to come over. And he forgets. Ah well, he promised he'd try tomorrow. There isn't much else I can do. I tempted him though. I told him there were presents waiting for him. Hehe. Not that I'm saying he forgot purposely. Ah well. Chels didn't come over today; she went home sick from work today. So I told her not to worry about coming over and just go home and rest. Her step-dad wasn't helping her. But then again, that's why we call him Asshole. I got up, and then started laundry. I've decided that my days start at 11. Since that's when my mind is completely awake. I really don't like having to wake dad up in the mornings. But at least Mom is getting to the point where she can go the entire night without needing to go to the bathroom. That way I can have plenty of sleep to get up at 5:30. I think that's all there is to talk about tonight. So, all I can say is I hope Dana comes over tomorrow. Goodnight.

Today’s Song: Faith of the Heart by Russell Watson

It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing's in my way
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna hold me down

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I've finally have my day

And I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna change my mind

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, faith of the heart

I've known the wind so cold, and seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain.
But I'll be fine.

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith

I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart will take me.
I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart.

It's been a long road.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Ah, the first fay of December. Icky. Dana called tonight, and he said Jessi and him are going to try and come over tomorrow. Which is good. I've started to clean my room, haha. Yea…funny I know. It will be nice to see him again…perhaps we'll even kiss again. Oh…that would be nice. Its been so long since I've even seen him, and now that we're back together, I'd like to see him again. And it'll also be nice to see Jessi. Chels is also coming over before they do. Things are brightening now, and I like that. I only got up once last night for Mom. At 4:30, and then at 5:30 to get dad up. Perhaps we'll get through the entire night tonight. That would be nice. This is all starting to tire me out. You know, I think everything will sink in once I see him again. I will have to bring them to my room, since dad will be home. Mom has to go the doctor at 2:20. I also have to take a morning shower…tomorrow is a busy day. I'll have to do school work, then clean, then work some more. But the reward will be good. Ah…the realm of sleep. One of the most wonderful things. Gerron visited last night. I don't remember the majoity of what he said, but he said something about being back with Dana. He was happy about it, and congratulated me. Or us you could say…since he is my sub-conscience. Its actually not cold in my room tonight either. Which is nice. Hm, well, I'm going to finish watching David Letterman, then read and then sleep. Goodnight.

Today’s Song: Nothing Brings Me Down by Emiliana Torrini

Home alone and happy
Nothing brings me down
Full of wine, unsteady
Nothing brings me down
What's left of the rain runs down my roof
Nothing brings me down
The night is lush the air is still
Nothing brings me down

Dum dum dum dum dum dum

The windows are open, the flies are in
Nothing brings me down
The phones are off the music's on
Nothing brings me down

Dum dum dum dum dum dum

Home alone and happy
Nothing brings me down
My love for you is ready
Nothing brings me down
My love for you is ready