I have marked today as the beginning of my recovery. It's also the 6 week mark. I woke up this morning crying again. My dream last night was once again about Dana, as it has been since Tuesday. I again didn't eat much today either. You know, when you look at all the things that have been going on since Tuesday, you realize how hard this really has been. I haven't been able to go five minutes without thinking about him, I've dreamed about nothing but him, I haven't eaten much, my sleeping habits, anxiety attack. At least that's what I'm calling them, anxiety attacks. It's a sharp pain I get in my chest that lasts for around an hour or so, and I only get them when I'm stressed. All that together, when I think about it, seems like this is extremley hard on me. It wasn't that hard to start loving him, yet it seems to hard to stop. Gerron didn't visit last night. I wish there was some way that all this could just….end. Either make me move on, or make him come back. I can't handle doing this very long. I am seriously considering writing that novel. I'm not sure what it will be about, but I'm quite sure I'll do it. Jessi messaged me on myspace after I had told her what I just wrote here about what I've been going through. She said that he may not like me in the way that I would like him to, but he still cares and he tells her that everyday. And he listens to our song everyday as well. Find My Way Back by Martha Byrne. That tells me that it's still there. We still have it. That we will find our way back. In time. Everything is just a matter of time. I have a little bit of my book, INVASION! Star Trek Voyager: The Final Fury, left. I'm not sure what I'll read after that. Chels said she was coming over tomorrow. I hope she does, she'll provide a good distraction after I see Jon. Mom says she's staying behind for Thanksgiving, because Heather can't go. Stephane and dad don't like her, but mom and I can see that she's making progress. I feel that our family is torn when it comes to Heather. Mom and I support her, and Stephane and dad just think that she'll never get anywhere. I'm not sure how Aunt Vicki feels about it, but I would imagine she has a view more like dad's. Tomorrow is Monday, and it's back to school….until Wednesday anyway. I have to e-mail Lorie tomorrow, so that I can keep moving along in my catch-up work. I don't have much else to do tomorrow. I'll wake up, go to see Jon, then come home and work on some work and then Chelsey will come over. That being said, I think I'll start that novel now. So goodnight.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Today’s Song: See Who I Am by Within Temptation
Starting today, I'm going to give a song everyday that fits my mood. I'll give the name in the heading, and the lyrics here. Enjoy today's song J
Is it true what they say
Are we blind to find our way
Fear of the unknown
Cloud our hearts today.
Come into my world
See through my eyes
Try to understand
Don't want to lose what we have
We've been dreaming
For who can't deny
It's the best way of living
Between the truth and the lies
See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands
This is not the end
Fear is withering the soul
At the point of no return
We must be the change we wish to see
I'll come into your world
See through your eyes
I'll try to understand
Before we lose what we have
We just can't stop believing
Because we have to try
We can rise above the truth and the lies
See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands
See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands
This is not the end
Hear the silence
Reach out my blame
Will our strength remain?
If the power rise
See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands
See who I am
Break through the surface
Reach for my hand
And shout out that we can
Free your mind and find a way
The world is in our hands
This is not the end