I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with this morning. Well, as usual Dana was in my dream, and in my thoughts when I woke up. My mom left for a doctor's appointment at 9. I was supposed to go to Rissi's today, but I couldn't. Mom didn't want to go anywhere. Chels was able to come for 45 minutes, only cause Mom said she could stay for an hour. After that, the rest of the day went downhill. I visited our spot on the prarie today. It was quite emotional. I cried, so hard and for so long. Amazing that it's still there after what….7 weeks or so now. I sang the Song for a Winter's Night. Cried during that, and Find My Way Back, cried during that too. But the night gets worse. Jeff is mad at me. Because I told him that Dana called Monday. And he showed curiosity, asking why I fell in love with him and all that. Jeff said to me, "you know what's going to happen now, right?" So of course, I asked what. "he's going to call you again. And say he loves you, and you're just going to forget all of what has happened and take him back." I probably would too. After all, Jeff has been right so far. So, he did admit he is mad at me. Because, I have hurt him. He loves me, and all I can do is think of Dana. Before he left tonight, he said "gotta go. We'll work this out later. Maybe". I thought to myself, great…another thing that I've managed to screw up. If only there were one magic answer. If only I knew what was going to happen. But as Jon would say, "I don't have a crystal ball". I'm leaving to Aunt Vicki's at 11, and it will be me, Dad, Vicki, Stephane, Josh and JJ. Mom is going to stay with Heather and Cody at home so Heather has someone to spend Thanksgiving with. Well, Dana didn't call tonight. Not surprised. I have started that novel. I've got 1,079 words or something like that written. I was thinking to myself today how I would like to be an NCIS Special Agent. I mean, it would be rewarding, fun, I'd get to see more of the world. I'd get to help people. But that will be for later consideration. I still have a while to figure it out. I have to get all of this current mess resolved before I can think about a future. I like writing my blogs. It helps my thoughts silence themselves so I can fall asleep….whenever I do. I am afraid I may not be able to break this sleeping habit. If it's been 6 weeks since it started and it's not gotten better, then I may be stuck with it a while longer. But at least I know I'm not the only one up in the late hours of night. Chels is always up late. Which is good, it gives me someone to talk to until I get tired enough to sleep, or attempt sleep for that matter. Rissi and I RP until she falls asleep. We have quite an intersting storyline. My characters are Luke, Lucinda, Lethe, JJ, Voulg, and Naliah. Rissi's characters are William, Gracia, and Valentin. Luke is a White Dragon/Fury/Warlock/Human. Lucinda is Luke's grandmother. Lethe is a Cat/Human. JJ is Luke's lover who recently died. Voulg is Luke's half brother and he is a Wolf/Human. Naliah is Luke's half sister and she too is a Wolf/Human. William is a Predo. Gracia is a Predo as well, she's the antagonist in the storyline. Valentin is a newcommer and is a Hunter of sorts. I'll talk more about them later. It's almost time for David Letterman. I hope things get better soon. Goodnight everyone.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Today’s Song: Find My Way Back by Martha Byrne
You had the bluest eyes
A stare I memorized
Like a sacred prayer
You didn't have that much to say
But I listened anyway
I could see right through
I held on for so long
'Cause somehow I knew
Like a breath of air
You were always there
And I will find my way back
Even on my own
You are my home
And I will find my way back
I know you so well
There are things I'll never tell
Now your secret's safe
I've been walkin' next to you
What you want, I wanted too
Now just take my hand
Time may be broken
But we are strong
Like a breath of air
You were always there
And I will find my way back
And wherever I go
You are my soul
And I will find my way back
To you
You could turn on me
You could run away
But no matter what you do
I will always be in love with you
Like a breath of air
You were always there
And I will find my way back
Even on my own
You are my home
And I will find my way back
Like a breath of air
You were always there
And I will find my way back
And wherever you go
You're in my soul
And you will find your way back
And you will find your way back
And I will find my way back