Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Oh, dear. Why ever have I been gone so long? It's been almost a month! Well. I believe we have much to talk about. :) First, let's start off with my new RP. So I've been participating in online role playing games for a few years, but I never stayed with one simm for a very long time. But recently, I got e-mailed by this guy, William, and he invited my into Bravo Fleet. I'm just like..."What?" There are two major simming groups that are Star Trek themed: Bravo Fleet, and Obsidian Fleet. So I was quite happy to say yes to his invitation. Although my position in the simm isn't very high, but it's nonetheless there. And I'm happy. And William has turned out to be quite the interesting guy. He's a college student from the University of Dayton. And he told me all about the college. And I'm all like "Yeah. I kinda want to go there." But he doesn't know I have a year or two left to decide on a college for sure. :/ But. He's...influential. It's almost like he's trying to change my life. Or, at least trying to tell me what the real world is like. ANd let me tell you, he's NOT blunt. But he does have a good taste in music. And games... But I'm careful not to talk to him TOO often. With all of his advice and, I'd almost call them "lectures", it gets to be overwhelming if I talk to him everyday. So, I try to avoid that. But other than that, he's a great person. :) Bel was over the week before last, and we actually had conversations. :D Usually it's: come over, talk about the most important parts of the last week, watch NCIS and NCIS:LA, go home. Once a week. Which, as you can imagine with her being my best friend, isn't exactly easy. But the week before last she came over, we talked about the more important parts of the last week, watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and NCIS, and she stayed AFTER that. So we had even more conversation. But, I made up for it last week. Because she had to work. At her new night-job, did I tell you about that? She works nights at Toys-R-Us now. For the moment, it's a seasonal job. But she's trying to make herself valuable to the company, so that they'll want to keep her after the holidays. Which, knowing a bit about her life at Wendy's, is understandable. But, since last week was a re-run, I wasn't quite as depressed as if it weren't. :P That's ok, I know she usually is very busy. Which is why she's only been coming once a week. Even though I, being me, would like to blame Tony... :P Hm... I haven't talked to Noah in a while. I should do that. He put his senior pictures on facebook today. :) I liked them. And I love his jacket. And I'm absolutely LOVING the things he puts on his tumblr. :P I think I'll text him or something sometime soon. *nod* I'm trying to decide if I want to rant about Jacob at the moment... ...no. I'm in a good mood. :D Emily and I haven't been talking a whole lat the past few days. I've talked to her enough to know that she has a new boyfriend. I think its safe to say that, anyway. :P And I'm happy for her. This guy sounds like he's a good, slow guy. Which is exactly what she needs, and what she's been looking for. So I'm happy for her in this new relationship. :) Hm... I think that's about it for tonight. I need to take more time into this blog. I've been negleted it for too long. :D But tonight, I will indeed leave you with a song. So enjoy. :D Goodnight, world.

SONG+LINK: Ave Mary A by P!nk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6fQS-YjHTc

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Why, dear blog, have I been neglecting you lately? Well. On the upside. I'm still in school. And getting quite caught up, by the way. So. The school department is good. Finally. :P Hm...next subject... Noah...or Jacob...or Bel. Let's start with Bel. It'll be short. She didn't come over Tuesday. She worked until 8. And I understand that sometimes working late and getting extra money is good and all, and covering for someone is important. But. Tuesdays are the only days I get to see her anymore. And practically the only days I get to talk to her anymore. And she's my Yune. :( Anyway. Next...Noah. We talked today. It was nice. I hope we keep talking, too. Anyway. Jacob. ... Actually. I'm not sure why I put Jacob in there. Except the fact that he feels a little neglected. Because I've been devoting most of my time to school and work. And so Jacob has kinda been put on the back burner. :( Anyway...it's late. And I should blog tomorrow. So tomorrow, you will get a song. Because youtube dislikes this computer. And it sucks. :( So goodnight, world.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Wow. It has been a while. *sigh* Where do you want me to begin? I could always start by listing all the reasons I fail. Dana, Noah, School, Jacob... And I'll stop there. Because that's plenty. Granted, they are 75% men. ... Men. Most of you should know why Dana is there. If not, then go look at my earlier posts. Like...almost 2 year ago posts. Most of you should also know why Noah is there. If not, go back a month or two. Because I'm just a creepy annoying person. School I'll get to. And Jacob...because you guys only ever hear about the stuff that pisses me off about him. Because, as I hate to admit, it happens often. More often that I prefer to admit. And it sucks. Like just the other day. We were talking about him moving in. Again. And how it won't quite be how I'd like it to be. But...I guess I'll live. I've told you all about my attachment problem. It's sad. But true. And I need a way to change it. Because this constant feeling that I need someone like Jacob or Noah or Dana is annoying. Which sounds horrible, I realize. Jacob is a good person once you get past all his issues. Noah...sweet and charming. Cute. Touchy and unpredictable like most men. But one would learn to get around that. Dana...pushy. Kind. Sweet. Not quite so cute, but that was never why I loved him to begin with. But. I want to be with Jacob. I love Jacob. Noah is with Bryce. Most of the time. And finds me annoying, no doubt. Creepy, too, probably. And Dana...well, Dana just wants me. Or rather, little me. ... Not the point. But, then again, I have no idea what I'm getting at anyway. I lost the destination for my train of thought. So let's move on. School. SO sometimes I get lazy. Often. And I lose track of how many days I go without actually doing schoolwork. Which, turned out to be fatal. Or, at least dangerous. Since I ended up with 3 sets of 5 days. Which COULD be fatal. In the fact that I could be kicked out of Insight. And sent back to Holmen. Which, is less than desirable. And...so I'm trying to fix it. Desperately. But you know what? I know my mom hates me secretly on the inside for it. Because to her, I'm becoming my sister. She dropped out. Still hasn't finished a GED, she's 21 now. The thought had crossed my mind. Hold out until I'm 18. Drop out. Go for my GED instead. But. That would just constantly remind me of how fail I am. So. This is me hoping that my recent effort to fix my failure in school will keep me there. So that I can finish this year, and hopefully finish next year to be done with high school. Because I will drop out if I get sent back to Holmen. So. There you have it. Failure. Not necessarily HORRIBLE Failure. Certainly a correctible failure. But most certainly quite the failure. Yes, I do realize that means I lied when I said you'd never hear about Noah again. But hey, I didn't exactly promise. I don't think. I'm not sure who even reads my blog anymore (except you, Emily). Which also means I know that I'm gonna get yelled at or something. End up as a disappointment in yet another person's eyes. Ready for some good news? ... Me too. My sleep pattern has even been fucked up. I'm waking up every two freaking hours. Ugh. Please, let me know if there is some other way I can screw up tonight. Or...screw up my life. Goodnight, world. Happy Halloween. And Happy Samhain.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Ok. Hai. It's been a while, yes. Sorry about that. But, let me start off by saying this. I care. I am a very caring person. I care very much about the people I choose to call friends. Most of you should know that. And you know what, even if one of you started to dislike, or even hate me for that matter. And maybe try to push me away. Say mean things to me. I still care. Because I called you a friend. You would still BE a friend on my head. So you know what, if you don't realize that I care, then that's your fault. And your loss. Because in the end, I will still care. Thank you. Now. Moving on. Work has been quite...exhausting lately. And I am fried. I have one more day yet of work. I've been working every day since Friday. Which is a lot for me. And this week, I have 20.5 hours scheduled. Which is good. And bad, because my knee is starting to kill me. Again. :( And my allergies are kicking in. :/ That sucks. And you know what, it's October. My air conditioner should not be running. But it has been for the past three days. It shouldn't be this warm in October. Gr. Anyway. Bel is coming tomorrow. I haven't seen much of her lately. I understand though. The whole moving thing makes her busy. And you know what, so what if I care about gay pride. Hello, I'm gay. And yea it bothers me that Jacob doesn't care. >.< I think that the recent string of reported gay suicides is horrible. Absolutely horrible. Like Ellen said, "One life taken by bullying is tragic. 6 lives is a crisis." And I believe something must be done. And just today, a politician says that we shouldn't be teaching our children that homosexuality is acceptable. My god, people like YOU shouldn't be teaching our children that it's acceptable to prejudice. To make laws saying that two people in love can't marry. It disgusts me. Angers me. Enrages me. Do we tell you that heterosexuality is wrong? No. Why? Because we believe in equality. We believe that as long as two people love each other, they can marry. Sickening. Outrageous. And you know the best part? In the speech this politician wrote, he included a line where he stated that homosexuals were "dysfunctional". But he decided to not say that. AND he went on to say that he "has nothing against gay people" and that he has a gay nephew. Um. Talk about hypocrite? Ugh. Next subjects please, before I hit my desk with anger. Because I could make one entire blog post on JUST that. And I don't want to tonight. So. What else... I don't know at the moment. I'm too upset now. Besides, I don't think I wanted to say anything else. So, I will say goodnight then. :) Goodnight, world. No musics for you tonight. I will start that again soon, don't worry.

Thursday, September 30th, 2010

Well. I'm here. For what reason? I don't know. I felt the need to write to you all. I just don't know what about. I mean...I could go on and tell you about...heh...Noah. Which, after this blog, I'm pretty sure you won't hear about him ever again. If I'm right anyway. Apparently one of two things happened. I was either way too talkative, or he took what I said the wrong way. It was meant to comfort him as a friend. To show him I care. As a friend. Which, obviously if that's what it is, he didn't perceive it in that context. This, by the way, is why I don't have friendships with men very often. They're...touchy. Jumpy. Volatile. In a friendship, anyway. Where as women, they're flexible. Tolerant. Easy to befriend. I mean, even dating men. While I love boys, they just think with their dicks far too often. Not to say I've NEVER done that, but I take great care not to. *sigh* I just wish that hadn't of happened. Because I'm almost sure I'm right about that. I suppose...that's really all I wanted. Which is a lie. I didn't want to rant like that. But. What needs to be done, needs to be done. And...I guess you won't have to listen to me babble about Noah anymore? A possible upside for all of you? And who knows, maybe I'm just paranoid. Comes with my HAD. Ha. Hyperactive Attachment Disorder. Because Bel said it was better as a disorder, rather than a syndrome. And Attachment Disorder just didn't go right. I had to add the Hyperactive. And the acronym is so much better to. OAS. Over-attachment Syndrome. It doesn't flow off the tongue either. So. Can you believe it's been almost two months since I started working? That seems like forever ago now... Ha. Well. It's now 11:02. So. I think I'll head off to bed. More can be written tomorrow. Goodnight, world.

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

Ok. So. Today was good. Oktoberfest parade. We got to my grandma’s house at 5ish. Went and got a sandwich from Kwik Trip and a cappi. :) Then watched as the sun rose. Thinking about someone. Made me smile all day, too. :) Anyway. The parade, which was 3 hours and 10 minutes long by the way, was good. 13 bands. One new band. Which, oddly enough, was tied into Jacob. Green Bay East High School Marching Band made an appearance this year. Green Bay, as far as I know, has an Oktoberfest of their own. And they were so disappointing. They had major spacing issues. Their lines weren’t so straight. And they didn’t do anything spectacular. Holmen, however, won. Again. :P I’m proud of my old school. So today wasn’t really so bad. Especially since I got to watch the parade with Emily. :) It just made my day better. Oh. Noah wrote his first blog. :P And…uh…I’m still loving this friendship thing. Lol. I…have plenty more I would love to say about Noah at the moment. But. Time is short. And. Well. I’m afraid to. And. Uh. I’m making an exit now. Goodnight, world. :) (No song tonight either. Lol)

Friday, September 24th, 2010

Ok. Welcome back from my little absence there. Work has been hell lately. Anyway. I could start with…Noah. Or…work. Or Oktoberfest… Or…my iPod. Or…a few other things. XD Hm…let’s start with Oktoberfest. It technically started today. But the big parade is tomorrow. So I have to get up early so we can get to my grandma’s house before they close the roads. Which means I’ll be up by 4. So I’m not going to take TOO long on this. ! I bought my iPod touch yesterday. :D It’s amazing. And I could spend hours playing with it. … Hey. I already do… :P Hm… Let’s see… I worked all of last weekend. Which wasn’t actually MY weekend. Which kinda pissed me off. But if I hadn’t worked last weekend, I wouldn’t have gotten my iPod. So, all is good there. I was supposed to work all this weekend, but I’m not. At least, not tomorrow. The parade and all. :P But next week, I work a total of 20 hours. :D Which is more than I’ve worked so far. Which means I’ll have much moneys the week after next. :P Last subject. Noah. We’ve been talking a lot. And I’m loving this friendship thing. And he’s gone and made his own blog now. So now I can read about HIM and HIS inner thoughts for a change. :P Hm… Bel’s finally moving out of her parent’s house. Not that she’s really been living there as it is. :P I’m happy for her. As long as I get to see her on Tuesdays. :P Anyway. It’s getting closer to 10:30. And Sarah is such a mean person. And a tease. But I love her anyway. :P Goodnight, world. (P.S. No song tonight.)

Monday, September 13th, 2010

Good evening, world. Time for a new blog post, I say. With a new blog format, no less. :P And no, tonight will not be ALL about Noah. :P We’ll start with how I’m upset with my sister. :( Heather. So the other day, after work, mom and I took her to Walmart to get her prescriptions. And I had given mom $30, that I just took out from my account that morning to put gas in the van, because she needed to buy some things for one of the jobs she’s doing. And I didn’t mind giving it to her. So we get to walmart. And we come to find out, much to Heather’s surprise, that her prescriptions weren’t free. And, since she is jobless… >.< Mom used the 20 she had left out of the 30 I gave her. Saddest part is? I’ll never see that money again. And it pissed me off. Because THAT was the 20 I was going to put with the $10 I left in my pocket to buy NCIS Season 2. And, at this rate, I’ll never save enough to buy my iPod touch, let alone my computer. Or a car. Needless to say, I was very quiet on the trip home. But. She is my sister. And she did NEED her medicines. So I guess I’ll forgive her. Oktoberfest is next weekend already. Wow. The year is suddenly cruising by… I had a dream about being at Oshkosh last night… :( I woke up very sad. :( I don’t yet understand why I attach so much emotion to that place… Perhaps it’s because of Hats…Leighton…my passion of aviation…the love of not having a care in the world. Hm. The late nights outside, talking with dad or Bel. Liquid refreshments. The glow of the tiki torches. Stargazing. Becoming lost in thought. Then falling asleep listening to Only You by Cartel. Waking up. Looking out, hearing planes. Starting my day off with our Oshkosh-style breakfast… Wandering about the grounds relaxing… coming back for lunch. Going back out of showcase flying… *sighs contently at the thought* And then…I come home, and have to get used to the same boring routine that I do every other day. :/ No more lazy days. No more cute guys… :P Hm… Anyway. I suppose I should at least mention Noah directly, hm? :P Well. We’re talking. Sort of. He texted me today, which is good. It means he knows I’m here to talk to. Which I am. Here for him. :) Other than that…I suppose this is the least I’ve talked about Noah in some time… :P Anyway… That’s all I can think of at the time being. So, goodnight, world. Come back soon. :)

DAILY SONG+VIDEO-Song For A Winter’s Night-Sarah McLachlan

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Oh, good evening everyone. *yawns* I shouldn’t be tired. But I am. So I’ll make this kinda quick. Because I feel the need to continue calling Leighton, Noah, I will do so. In blog only of course. Because, otherwise it would feel weird. So. Anyway. I’m not sure what is going on at the moment in that department, really. I was expecting him to be upset with me. With all I’ve put in these blogs, suddenly him having to replace every “Noah” with “Leighton”. And realizing that I REALLY like him. But, instead, his reaction is…almost opposite, I would say. Instead of being upset with ME, he’s acting upset at himself, and like he’s expecting ME to be upset with HIM. Which, as you can imagine, makes no sense to me. And so I tell him that’s what it seems like. And he tells me its “a bit of both”. Which confuses me even more. Bel is the only person who could even come up with a theory, which is basically the same one I had, only with a twist. “Maybe he feels guilty? Because he likes talking to you. Which means he likes you, even if just as a friend. Either way, that means he thinks about you, maybe mentions you to, say, Bryce. Who gets jealous. Which makes Leighton feel guilty.” However, my theory, being in MY head surrounded by the thoughts I pour into these blogs, was that minus the guilt and Bryce part. Which is still plausible. *sigh* Short of asking him, which hasn’t been successful as you can imagine, I won’t know. And speculating is dangerous. Not that it’s stopped me from doing it anyway. Hm. Anyway. I think I’ve blabbered enough for one night. You know something? I bitch too much. Anyway. Goodnight, world.

DAILY SONG+LINK=Save Us by Cartel (And for those of you who know that there are two versions of this song, this is neither. This is a third version I’ve recently discovered… And I kinda like it. And for those of you that DON’T know that there are two other versions of this song, let me know, and I’ll give you a link to both of them.)

Saturday, September 4th, 2010

Well. Tonight…ha…well, what would you like me to tell you first? How I’ve realized how creepy my blogs can sound? How I may have potentially screwed that entire thing up? How I’ve been censoring Noah’s name needlessly for the last 2 posts, because of carelessness? Or how I’m not sure what the fuck to do next? So. I’ve realized from someone’s point of view, like, say, Noah? All of this sounds really creepy. Obsessive? Perhaps. In any case, it certainly doesn’t sound the way it comes out in my head. And, to those who I may have ALREADY offended, I apologize. Although, I HAVE stated numerous times that this is only a collection of thoughts. Thoughts that need a place to go, and posting it in a blog on the internet is more…real for me than just writing it on paper and locking it in a drawer. You must read my blogs…without taking anything personally. Take this entire Noah thing, for instance. I say all of that, but I have even YET to try and do anything about it. …heh. Well. Me may as well move swiftly into that subject. But before we go to that one, let’s point out a mistake that, thanks to a certain someone, I realize. And no thanks to the other two certain some ones that didn’t realize it, like me. On the 21st of August, I made a serious and critical mistake. I used Noah’s real name. Leighton. Ha. Stupid me, didn’t THINK that maybe, just maybe, he’d find that. Anyway, that means I don’t have to keep calling him Noah. Now, back to the other subject. He suddenly came to the realization tonight that he might, indeed BE Noah. Go figure. My luck. I ask him if he’s indeed read my blogs, and suddenly a light bulb turns on in his head. “OMG I’M NOAH”. *sigh* I should’ve listened to Bel when she said “Wait and see if HE brings it up first.” And so…the conversation ended with me saying sorry, and leaving. And now I’m sitting here wondering if I indeed screwed up. Which, my luck, I probably did. That’s three of the four subjects. Lastly, what the fuck do I do next? I’m going to end up posting this blog. And then going BACK on Facebook. And putting it there. And he may or may not read it. If he does, I’ll add something at the end just for him. If he doesn’t, he’s probably afraid to. I’ve probably scared him off. :/ I honestly don’t know what to do next. Ok. That’s really all I wanted to put in this blog. :/ Leighton. Look. I…didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Or put you in an awkward position. These are just my inner thoughts. I’m sorry if they come off as creepy to you. And…I’m sorry.  Goodnight, world. :(

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

Ah. Another start to yet another boring school year. >.< Tonight’s post will…be about Noah. Ha. Surprise surprise. Mostly Noah, anyway. Because my test last night had some…interesting results. Last night I asked the people that read that blog to “like” the status from Facebook. And I’m doing it again tonight. Only I’m not writing it IN the status. Because our dear Noah “liked” the status. And the thing is, I talked about Noah last night. And if he read it, I’m pretty sure he figured out it was him. Because I said EXACTLY the way he said hi to me yesterday. … And the poke war. Which we did again today. For a little while. And I haven’t scared him away yet. I’m really curious as to how many of my blog posts he’s read. If he knows EVERYTHING. Or if he just read last night’s. This is why I’m doing a double test. Which means everyone who reads this, I want you to “like” the status again. Because if you, Noah, read this again, I might actually have to ask how many past ones you’ve read. Because…if you know ALL of it, then I think we should talk. Anyway. So. Noah. *sigh* I freaked out last night because I went on again after I brushed my teeth and stuff, which was after I put my blog up. And it’s all like…”Em…did I just see what I think I saw…?” And then I was all like “That means he knows he is Noah. Oh my god. Emily. What the fuck do I do next?!” And so she said calm down, basically. Lol. Anyway. Uhm. This is why I’m curious as to how many posts he’s read… I’m rambling on and on about the same thing, only using different words. I apologize. Noah would be perfect. Which is a lie, because no one is perfect. But he’s damn close. From what I know of him, at least. Which is why I want to know him more. But I feel like I haven’t been talking to him enough lately. But half the time, I don’t even know what to talk about. :( Which makes me feel like an idiot. Here I’m talking to the guy I like, and I draw a complete blank. I don’t even know if he’d be interested in me. :/ The uncertainty… This blog is as big a risk as I’m going to take with him for the time being. Most of you know how fragile I am. Look at what happened with Dana? How I’m still beating myself up over letting Jeff go? And how Jacob upsets me so? :/ I don’t intend to add Noah to my list of heartbreaks just yet. So. Until I’m ready, or possibly until HE makes a move or something, I’ll keep my thoughts and impulses confined to here. Every time I sit here and say to myself “Neal, why do you do this to yourself? Why do you get attached to people like that? Why do you go after what you aren’t sure you can even have?” And then what Bel told me pops in my head. “It makes you more lovable. And I wouldn’t love you any other way.” So. I push through it. I’m fragile. Sensitive. Easily crushed… Hm. Anyway. Moving on. Tomorrow, I get paid. Mom goes to the doctor. I get to by SSBB. :D And then I do a little school work. Come back on Facebook. Maybe talk to Noah. See if Sarah is feeling any better… Poor Sarah, things finally hit a snag with Logan… :( Anyway. I think I’m good for tonight. So goodnight world. (Remember. Like the status on Facebook after you’re done reading. :D)

DAILY SONG+LINK=This Is Who We Are by Cartel

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

Good evening and welcome to the 6 o’clock news, I’m Ollie Oxenfree. :P Seriously. Whose Line is it Anyway has suddenly gotten in my head. Anyway. Before I start, I want EVERYONE who reads this to “Like” the link on my Facebook status. I’m really curious as to how many of you actually read this. Don’t be shy either, AND please…don’t just THINK about liking it, actually do it. It’s simply curiosity. Moving on.  Today started off blah, and suddenly got so much better. :P Noah all of the sudden, out of no where says “Hello sir.” Oh! HAI! :D You’re saying hi first! YAY! :D And then we started a poke war. Which, since I translated my facebook, it was really “skewering”. XD Anyway. Things are suddenly looking up again in the Noah department. I’m hopeful that I’ll get the opportunity to show him there are other people than what he’s familiar with. Which might not make sense to you. But oh well. Since it’s getting late, I’ll wrap this one up quick. Tomorrow’s blog will be longer, no worries. I don’t think I’ll have enough money this week to buy the iPod touch I want, but instead I’ll buy Super Smash Brothers Brawl. :D Anyway. I’m going to head off to bed. So. Remember, “like” the status that my blog is in on Facebook. :D Goodnight, everyone.

DAILY SONG+LINK: All I Need by Within Temptation

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

Ah…where to start. Today is mostly about Noah, just so you know. It may even be ONLY about Noah. So. And before I even start, if Noah reads this, he might REALLY know it’s him today. And quite frankly, I don’t care. Because I might actually throw around a word today that may scare him. And if you, Noah, decide to run away. So be it. Then I suppose you weren’t worth it. Anyway. Enough of the Terms and Conditions. We’ll start with Sarah. Sarah started dating Logan, who happens to be Noah’s brother. And I’m happy for her. :D But anyway. Sarah says to me today “I don’t think Leighton is good for you” Uhm. Why not..? Well. Apparently she has reasons. But. As I would say, she doesn’t have enough scientific evidence to make a conclusion. And I can understand that. She knows that if she thinks something that MIGHT crush me, it WILL crush me if she says it. Because she knows how attached I am to him. And…the way she sounded, it wasn’t good. BUT she promised to tell me when she got conclusions. Which is good enough for me. But, then Bel goes to me and says things which make me think that, hey, I shouldn’t be paranoid yet. “No, he doesn’t know if you’re his type. And you don’t know either. Because you’ve barely known him without B***e. And while he’s with B***e, he’s focused ON B***e and no one else.” And she went on to ask me how easy it was to get over Dana the first time. And compared it to what’s going on with Noah. “So, just be there for him. It may take a few more rounds with B***e. But he’ll see you’re there.” Hm. Then there’s Travis. He tells me to just make a move and see what happens. Make a move on Noah? How? What happens if I scare him off? That’d be like losing him, forced un-attachment. Which hurts. :( *sigh* This sucks. This uncertainty. Not knowing what exactly to do. If I should give up, wait, or make a move. Giving up is least appealing. Waiting is something that isn’t so hard. Making a move may or may not be a good thing. Waiting would be my first choice. We’ll see what the next few days bring. Anyway. That’s all I really wanted to write about. But if I think of something more, I’ll write more. :P But for now, Goodnight. I won’t add a song today. Because for once, I don’t have one stuck in my head. O.O Oh my. Whatever has the world come to? :P Anyway. Goodnight.

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

Good evening. I might actually be able to get tonight’s blog done before midnight, it’s currently 10:45. We’ll try for it. :D Anyway. What is there to talk about? There hasn’t been a whole lot new in the Noah department. Oh. Wait. Except my fail the other night. *facepalm* So I was talking at him, because I wanted to talk to him, only he wasn’t in the best mood, so he wasn’t really talking back. And I suddenly started talking about my blog. Whoa. Wait. What? Yes. My blog. I was talking about my blog. To Noah. Who is mentioned in here. Ha. Smart move? Maybe. All he said was “interesting”. He gave no indication if he had already read it, or if he was going to. So, we’ll see. Hm…nothing new in the Dana department…or the Jacob department really. Although, we can put something in with Jacob. I went on Myyearbook today, and this guy added me. It happens a lot on there. :P But what caught my attention about THIS guy, is that he was from Green Bay. Hm. Ok. Add this one. I then find out this guy, who’s name is Travis, by the way, goes to Green Bay East High. Hm. So does Jacob. Hey! This should be interesting! So I keep reading his profile, he’s gay, and part of the school’s GSA. How great. Now I want to ask if Travis knows Jacob. EXCEPT, that might out Jacob, and he’s not ready for that. So. That quashed that idea quickly. :( Although, I believe we’re flirting at the moment. I’m not sure what to think of that. But I doubt it will turn into anything. Hm. What else…I go into the doctor on Friday. For my knee. Which is continuing to kill me. :( Hm… Wow. For once a relatively boring blog. XD So now you’ve wasted about 5 minutes of your time… :P I really can’t think of anything else to say tonight. Ah well. I can always make a supplemental entry, if something enters my mind. So, goodnight then, world. :D

DAILY SONG+LINK: Last Night On Earth by Delta Goodrem

Friday, August 13th, 2010

Good evening everyone. It’s been a little over a week. So let’s catch you up a little, shall we? Hm…shall I start with Noah, Dana, or Jacob? Ha. This is beginning to sound like a pattern. Every blog starting with at least one of those people. Ha. Anyway. Let’s start with…Jacob. Well. *sigh* I suppose the only thing that’s really changed with him, is the fact that he’s wanting to talk in the middle of the day, as opposed to only at night like it was before. But…even then, he disappears for almost hours at a time. And I simply can’t hold a conversation like that. Maybe you can, but I certainly can’t. :( So he’s changed one thing. One entire thing. But in the process, made one problem worse. So…I can’t decide if it’s good or not. Hm. Moving on. Dana. Yea. Haven’t talked about him in a while. He suddenly started talking to me about the book he wanted to write with me. And somehow, that escalated into wanting me back. … *sigh* I mean, I KNEW it would come around again, but NOW? Of all times? I’m trying to deal with Jacob as best I can, and I’m trying to get somewhere with Noah. And now all of the sudden, Dana wants to come and remind me that he’s still there. Ugh. Idk what to tell him. I don’t want to say no and hurt him. But. I don’t want to say yes and end up having it be a stupid mistake, like we all know has happened before. Speaking of Noah. Let’s get that out of the way. He’s dating his ex. Again. *smiles* Isn’t life grand? I want him more than Jacob or Dana at the moment. Because he’s cute, intelligent, funny, and many other things. Most important, he’s having almost the same sort of problems with his on-off boyfriend. And I feel for him. Only, I never broke up, and got back together with Jacob so many times in less time. Jacob and I went a year and 7 months. Amazing, isn’t it? Heh. Anyway. I really like Noah. I mean, REALLY. Sadly, that’s just how my mind works. I started liking him. Which means, there are three ways to get me to stop. 1) have him crush all of my hope. And make me sad. 2) Show that he likes me back, therefore turning my like into a developing love, which can be even more dangerous. or 3) Let time make it fade away. Which is least likely, seeing as I’ll most likely end up seeing him next year anyway. So. That leaves the first two options. Somedays, I wish I could trade in my mind for a new one. :/ But, then I’d lose the most important parts of myself. So none of that. But…how the hell did I get in this position? Suddenly stuck between 3 guys? Try and fix things with Jacob, try again with Dana, or take a risk with Noah. Ha. I bet YOU can tell which is least likely. :P Not the point. The point is, I want Noah. Badly. But I can’t tell if he likes me. Apparently, from what Bel says, its probable. I mean, I’ve given myself until the day I get back to Camp Scholler to take that risk. That’s currently 341 days. Probably PLENTY of time. But. For now, it’s too soon to tell him how I feel. Bel says I’ll scare him away. And in all honesty, I’m surprised I haven’t YET. Especially after the night I kinda said hi, and then couldn't come up with a conversation, so I left. And it made me feel like an idiot. :( Ah well. I told Bel what happened. She said “Maybe he found your awkwardness at talking cute.” What if he did? … Eh. Speculating is a dangerous pastime. We’ll wait and see what happens. Like I said before, simply writing this blog, and posting it on Facebook, where I KNOW he can read it if he clicked on it is risky enough. Should he chose to start reading my blog, that very well might scare him away. In which case, this next part is for Noah. This is a place for me to write my thoughts. All of them. As they come to me. Uncensored. I post it on Facebook so I can tell myself, “Now it’s out there. My thoughts are clean, and out there.” I find that putting them where other people can read them makes me feel better, as opposed to just writing it, and locking it away in a desk drawer. Ah well. If you read all of this, I wouldn’t blame you for running scared. I just hope you wouldn’t. Anyway. Back to everything else. I go in for my knee on Monday. Finally. Since it seems to not like the standing I do at work. Which reminds me, I should really get to bed. Goodnight world. I’ll be sure to blog tomorrow. Or soon, anyway.

DAILY SONG+LINK: Over the Hills and Far Away by Nightwish

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

Ugh. Where shall I start? We could start with Noah. Or my job. Or Jacob. *sigh* Bad news first, or good news… Let’s do good news first. So I got a job interview today at Hancock Fabrics. And I start Monday. :D Finally. Having of a job. :P That’s the extent of the good news. *sigh* Now, on to the depressing crap. Noah, or Jacob first… Let’s start with Noah. So I woke up this morning, after already being upset last night with Jacob. So I was already in a depressed mood. And then I get on Facebook. And discover I’m too late. He’s dating someone again. *sigh* I was being patient. And slow. So it’s all like “well, MY day is off to a peachy keen start.” >.< It’s not so much that I’ve lost the oppertunity. It will come again. Because this is…the 7th time they’ve been together? It won’t last. Even though I know he wants it to. But I’m almost positive it won’t. :( Ah well. I’ll be patient. Because…in my opinion, he needs to get away from this guy just about as much as I need to get away from Jacob. :( We don’t know each other quite well enough to leave what we feel is comfortable just yet. In time. Patience. *grumbles* I’ve never had to go about it this way. I mean, look at all of my relationships. Levi. *cringes* Dana. Which was more of a sexual thing. :/ Not exactly what I wanted. Jeff, was the closest to real love I’ve been. But, he was on the other side of the country. :( Jacob. 4 hours away, and he’s not even really ready for the kind of relationship it is that I want/need. I’ve never had to go about all of it the way I’m having to with Noah. It’s all so…new to me. Ah well. Maybe this is what’s needed to form a solid long-term relationship. And if so, then I’m all for this patience thing. *nodnod* Doesn’t help any that both my knees are hurting today. :( Ah well. I might blog a little bit more later. But for now, I’m a little hungry. Talk to you all later. :)

DAILY SONG+LINK: Playing With Fire by Paula Seling & Ovi

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Welcome back from vacation. :P To me anyway. I got back yesterday. I wish I didn’t have to leave there. It’s so much fun… And I met this amazing guy. Finally. And I just realized that I mentioned him NOWHERE in my other posts. I would have figured I’d have mentioned him last year… Anyway. That is where we will start. Last year. So. In the campground where we camp, there is always this guy from Illinois that parks across from us. Dad hates him because it seems like he always plays with his car alarm thingy. But last year I noticed this guy with him. I said to myself “Hm. He’s kinda…cute. From here.” So I have this attachment problem. I see a cute guy, and have even the slightest, and I mean TINY, crush on him, I get all emotional. It’s…rather depressing. Not only that, I’m a hopeless romantic. Bel says that they both make me so lovable. And she wouldn’t love me either way. I think it’s annoying because having to become unattached is hell. Anyway. So by observation, which I’m good at, I figured he was gay. Bel and I named him Noah. Because he looked like a Noah to me. And so before I got myself to talk to him, we had to leave. And I never forgot about him because of my stupid attachment problem, and the hopeless romantic part of me was hoping something would happen. But. Then I came back this year. And there he is again. Looking cuter than last year, mind you. And so it brought back my little crush on him. And so on the Saturday before the event opened up, I went out walking along the grounds with Sarah. We rode a tram and all of the sudden, “NOAH! Over there! Sitting down! Quick! Get off the tram!”. So we got off at the next stop. And Sarah says, we should go over there. I’m all like…”uh…but…that would be creepy of us.” So we ended up doing it. And I had my armband, which was rainbow and said GAY on it. I put it on. And we sat like…5 tables from him. I was freaking out. I didn’t want him to think I was creepy and following him. So then we got up after my water bottle got empty, and he got up. And then Sarah says really loudly “Perhaps we should go THAT way.” And she pointed in the direction of the warbirds. Noah then turned and went that way. And so I freaked out more. So we continued on, and decided to put distance between him and us. So I made a circle. I came back to Aeroshell square, where he still was. All of the sudden, I started watching him from the corner of my eye. And he pointed his camera in our direction. And the only thing between Noah and us was this guy on what looked like a towing rig of some sort. And all that was behind me was…a building if I recall. And I’m all like “What was that?! Did he just do that?!” And so then we walked towards one of the planes across from him, and I was talking to Sarah. And all of the sudden he starts walking in our direction and then WAVES. I’m like, “OMG. Sarah, what is he doing?” So then I see Eric, who is really Adam, walking out from the other side of the plane we were by. I was relieved. Because I wasn’t ready for what Bel would call a “random encounter” with Noah. So then I was trying to ignore him the rest of the week. To avoid last year’s attachment and whatnot issues. So Bel comes to me on Friday with this big grin on her face. I’m all like “what did you do?” “I saw Noah. And talked to him” I was all like…crap. “I saw him making his rounds in Protect our Planes over there, and I said to myself ‘fuck it’ and went over and talked to him. I said ‘I know this may sound like an odd question, and I don’t care either way, but are you gay?” And she said that he said yea, he was. “Oh. Well, my friend sorta has this little crush on you.” At this point, I was freaking out. And she said that he said that he wanted to meet me. “I’ll tell him that then.” I looked at her and said “You did what?!” “You heard me.” So he came back to his campsite that day and was looking over at me. I was like…uhm…idk what to do. I’ve never had to meet someone like that before. Most of the time it was someone saying “Here. Talk.” This time it was a “I told him. Now, go over there and talk to him” But…I…! Idk how! I’ve never had to before. So then he came over that night and started playing catch with us. And omg. He has an amazing voice, not to mention his meltable smile… And his laugh… So the next day, he and I waved at each other a few times. And he came over and talked to me once. And he was being a showoff with his camera. *glares* My puny old camera does not clickclickclickclick like I want it to. It click…..click……click……clicks. :/ But anyway. So then Bel goes and tells me “well, maybe it was supposed to happen. Maybe you’re supposed to meet him and forget about Jacob and be happy. Like fate. Maybe you’ll fall in love with him. Like fate. And faith.” *sigh* So adding this into my mind, which is a hopeless romantic, is dangerous. Because it will eventually eat through the barrier I’ve put up. And kill me. And I’ll be crushed. Not that it would be Bel’s fault. The thought would’ve popped in my head eventually anyway. *sigh* So I’m trying to hold that barrier up. Until it looks like I don't have to. And no, I haven’t told you what his real name is, because I DO know it, but since I post this stuff on Facebook. And only the person I’m talking about needs to know who I’m talking about. Because Noah will know its him. Which can be a stupid idea in itself, but risk is part of the game, is it not? Ah well. Patience, child. It will find me. Anyway. I’ll probably make a second post in a little while.

TODAY’S SONG+LINK: Jungle Drum by Emiliana Torrini

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010 *supplemental*

*sigh* So I’m up. At 4:12. In the morning. Because I can’t sleep. Because there are spiders. All over my room. Big. Mean. Gigantical spiders. That want to crawl on me and bite me and…ugh. It’s a miracle I’m not tired yet. This entry will not be posted on Facebook. However, one might stumble upon it if they go through all of the blogs I made. I’m listening to a song. It’s by Alexander Rybak, and it’s just him and his violin. It’s amazing. And very moving. Peaceful. Makes me sit here and think, which is a dangerous thing. Especially since ____ is on my mind. *sigh* Stupid boys. He’s just so…cute. And…uuughhh. I don’t normally like to say that life sucks. But. Life sucks. I was stupid, and took the air conditioner out of my window. Letting all the spiders in. And then it went and stormed. And then I went and thought. And now I’m sitting here, wishing I hadn’t taken the air conditioner out of my window, because then I’d be asleep. Not thinking about him. Heh. Listen to me. From your point of view, one might think I have a crush on him. Maybe I do. People can be in relationships, yet still develop crushes on other people. Now, if it turns into possible love, that’s concerning. And as long as one doesn’t act upon these thoughts, and still loves the person they are with, then I fail to see the problem. Of course, you’re all free to tell me if I’m wrong. He’s simply so…cute. And lovable. But the moment I start thinking that, I’m forced to think of Jacob. Not only is he my boyfriend, but he’s cute, too. And lovable in his own way. His own unique way. Now, one of you might never see where you could love him. He is always distracted by something else, he’s never romantic, he avoids sexual conversations, he doesn’t get broken up about not getting to see me, he has this annoying strong prejudice against certain groups… See, these are the bad parts of him. Do you see what I meant when I said that his bad parts are quite bad? He also has this annoying non-friend. His name is Brian. I nicknamed him “the Cancer”. Mostly because all he does is sit in Jacob’s room, using his computer or his Xbox and eating his food. Jacob doesn’t even like him. He finds him annoying. And wishes he would never come over. But he’ll never say it to Brian. Never. If he doesn’t want Brian to come over anymore, why not just tell him? Perhaps that’s just the way he is. It is literally impossible for him to sit there and do nothing. He needs the TV on to sleep at night, which I can understand. I used to need the radio, but as long as there is some sort of noise in my room, I’m fine. But other than that, he has to be doing something. Reading a forum, talking to other people on MSN or Vent. That’s another thing that bothers me. Vent. He absolutely refuses to ever call me. But he’ll talk to people he doesn’t know on the internet. *sigh* I’ve only ever got him to take one picture of himself. Whereas he has 4 of me. If this were…a year ago, I’d believe you if you told me that I shouldn’t rush things, or worry about it. But we’ve been dating a year and a half now. He’s called me twice. And given me one picture of himself. I learned his last name, only because he thought he was going to lose me. When you get past all of this, which is quite bad from your point of view no doubt, he’s not all that bad. He can be sweet, he’s capable of being romantic, he’s cute, he’s nice to the people he cares about. I know he cares about me, and I know he loves me. It’s just, right now he has a funny way of showing it, mostly because he doesn’t know how. I’m sorry. There I go again making a rant on Jacob. When this was originally about someone else. In two days, I can put my feet up, take off my shirt and tan under the Oshkosh sun. Take a ride on my bike. Plane watch. Tour the museum again. Take a visit to Pioneer Airport. Read my books. Countless things. Here? I can just sit on the computer or in my spider infested room hoping I won’t think. And now the forecast calls for another chance of strong to severe thunderstorms on Sunday. The day after I leave, but it looks to stay mostly over here. I could not handle being alone in a thunderstorm in a camper. That would be torture. Hm. At least I’ll have plenty of time to blog every day. Ugh. Great, now that. And I absolutely hate it when this happens. They happen every once in a while. I call them anxiety attacks. I’m surprised I didn’t have one earlier. It’s a sharp sudden pain in my chest that doesn’t go away for a while. If you look back in my blogs a year or possibly two ago, you’d see another time I blogged about it. Albeit for a different reason, but it’s there. Anyway. It’s no wonder why I’m having it. Spiders. Thunderstorms. No one to comfort me. And all the ranting I’ve been doing. Ah well. It needs to go somewhere. That and I do not believe it helped that I drank so much pop today. I drank WAY too much. I do that when I get stressed though… Another nasty habit that I should really think about fixing. Punishment is that I have to drink water and milk today. That’s not so bad. I need to make it a while longer. Then I can go upstairs and try and kill the spiders in my room that should be as cold as a freezer. And then try and sleep a little. Never slept during the day before…should be interesting. I laugh at dad. He’s only going to have gotten like, 2 1/2 hours of sleep by the time mom wakes him up for work. She should be getting up in about 13 minutes. It’s been a while since I’ve been up this long. And never have I been up this long downstairs. AirVenture is still missing a major signature attraction. Last year it was the Airbus A380, the world’s largest airliner. The year before it was the Boeing DreamLifter, which carries parts for the new Boeing 787 Dreamliner. They’re hoping that that can make at least a flyover this year, since Boeing is severely behind in testing and delivery. I’m tempted to just go now and try and kill the spiders. But. I want to wait until it’s light out. Anyway, I’m doing that rambling from subject to subject about absolutely nothing. I don’t exactly know what I’ll do for the next hour or so. But I’ll think of something.

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

Good day. Ha. Good. Right. Astraphobia sucks. :( Storms are horrible things. Especially ones with tornadoes. I don’t like seeing clouds swirl like I did today. I realize I’m posting this on Facebook. And my astraphobia isn’t exactly something I go broadcasting everywhere, but I need a venting outlet. And that's the purpose of my blog. To write and rant and rave and vent. And then put it out for the world to see. Makes me feel like I’ve taken a weight off my shoulders. Maybe I’m just weird. But isn’t that why you all love me? :P Anyway. Astraphobia. Clouds should not swirl. Especially not over my house. I stood there in shock. Woah. These clouds are spinning. I sat there. I came back in the house, and I sat down to look at the radar. I got back up a few minutes later, I’m totally freaking out. I was weak in my knees, I we shaking, and I was breathing heavy. I was trying to text Bel. No response. But she was probably across her room packing. I tried to text Jacob. Ha. No response, for one. And I don’t even know why I was trying. He once called my fear “irrational”. And all of the hazards of thunderstorms can be “avoided by way of logic and reasoning”. … I’m sorry. Not even two days ago there was almost half a tree that fell 5 feet from me. And that wasn’t even a thunderstorm. Lightning can kill. Quite quickly, the whole fast as light thing. Tornadoes can occur with little or no warning. Hail can hit you on the head, break windows, that sort of thing. Weather is unpredictable, and not always avoidable. Certainly not by logic and reasoning. *sigh* Ok. Guys. I realize I make Jacob sound like a horrible person. He’s not. You’re just hearing the bad parts that I need to rant about. I mean, while he has his bad parts, and mind you the bad parts are…quite annoying, he does have good parts. But there are times when they are hard to see. I blame the way he was raised. He’s had people hating him all his life, his parents consider him worthless, and really only talk to him when they want something from him. He’s never been loved in the way that I do. So when I bring something up like moving in with me or something, he shuts down because he doesn’t have any idea what to do. But, he also doesn’t let me show him. I’m perfectly fine with teaching what it means to be romantic or whatnot. He just has to let me. … No. Not every blog will contain a rant on Jacob. Let’s move on to another subject matter, shall we? Gr upon boys and their stupid cute faces that look so kissable. And gr upon their stupid amazing personalities. Yes. I have a boyfriend, and no, I’m not talking about him. Just because one has a boyfriend, does not mean one can’t look at other guys. Now, acting upon feelings or attraction to another guy is not ok. Just thought I’d mention how I feel on that, so you don’t think I’m going to cheat on Jacob or whatnot. There is this guy. Who shall not be named here. He’s cute. Ok, I separate guys into roughly three different groups: Hot, Cute, and Attractive. Hot guys are the guys I wouldn’t really ever date, but would certainly…you know. Cute guys are the ones that I would most definitely date, and of course eventually…you know. Attractive ones are the ones that I usually pass in the store, or some other place, that are simply fun to look at, but don’t fall into the other categories. Now, back on track. There is this cute guy. He’s sweet, and nice, and funny. And if I weren’t dating Jacob, I would totally go after him. I wouldn’t leave Jacob for him, though. Hm. If I had Jacob here with me, I think things would be so much easier. I’m so much more effective and convincing in person than over text. :/ If I continued talking about Jacob, I’d end up going into the college rant that I did in my last blog. Let’s not go there again, k? I had to take my air conditioner out of my window today, because otherwise the wind(that didn’t actually come, mind you) would likely have blown it out of my window. Now. The last time I did this, I introduced a population of many many tiny little spiders. At this time, I was already pissed because of Jacob and the whole “irrational fear” thing. And now I have billions of tiny tiny spiders crawling all over my bed, I broke down. And cried, which sounds pathetic. :( But now I have to deal with the tiny tiny spiders all over again. And then he does THAT. >.< “So when do you want to go to bed?” “Now. Goodnight. Love you.” … You KNOW I hate when you suddenly SPRING it on me. *sigh* I wish there was something I could do about it all. Ah well. I get to leave for vacation is 3 days. Which is amazing. :D As soon as the thunderstorms stop, I’m going to bed. After I put the air conditioner back in my window. Because otherwise it turns into an oven in my room. And I can’t sleep when I’m hot. I’d totally love to just go upstairs to my room and crash. Right now. Anyway. Dad still has to give mom the money we need to go grocery shopping for Oshkosh. Did I tell you? I got yelled at for doing what I’ve been told. Imagine that. It was going to storm right? And dad had the camper plugged into the barn. So what do I do? I unplug it…because if the lightning hits the cord, then the entire barn would probably burn down from the spark and the fire. So…apparently I wasn’t supposed to do that. It’s a safety measure that I’m supposed to ignore, because he was stupid and left stuff in the refrigerator, instead of putting it in HIS refrigerator. So that’s my fault. For being safe. ._. Anyway. I’m just gonna keep rambling on from subject to subject and kinda come to a point right about there. :P Anyway, I shall leave you with today’s song. :)

DAILY SONG+LINK: Memories by Within Temptation

Monday, July 12th, 2010

Hello everyone. I realize I’ve been a little AWOL. Sorry. Fear not, I have returned. :D There’s a bit to catch up on. And while I’m a big fan of wasting time, I think I’ll get right to it. And this will be the first post of my blog since putting the link on Facebook, so I might just have to censor a few things. For the sake of the people I’ll be talking about. *evil grin* Anyway, on with things. I leave for AirVenture in 5 days. Which is earlier than normal. 4 days earlier, in fact. I’ll be all by myself over there, too, until Wednesday of next week. Bel, sadly, won’t be coming until Thursday. It’s her and Tony’s 6 month anniversary, so I can understand why she would want to be with him for that. It takes a lot to make it half a year. I mean, look at me and Jacob, just getting past(barely) our year and a half mark. He was going to come to AirVenture with me this year. Until he screwed up and waited too long. His mother signed him up for driver’s ed classes. Which…he has yet to start…*raises an eyebrow* intruiging, isn’t it? So I, of course, got all depressed about it. I mean, this was going to be the first time we got to see each other. And now, it’s not going to happen. But apparently, I was taking it overboard. So I let up on it a little. I still get a little sad over it when I think about it, but life moves forward. I asked him about moving in with me down the line. Of course, he said he didn’t know. It was a sudden, random question, and I was kind of expecting that answer. So I gave him time. And I asked him again about a month or two later. Apparently, it wasn’t really that he didn’t know. He didn’t want to move to a place where people(my two closest friends), didn’t like him. So what? According to him, everyone where he lives hates him. Besides, Bel and Em won’t care as long as I’m happy. Then I learn later, that its more about going to college right out of high school. Stop for a minute. I don’t get to see you this summer. Meaning, that I’ll probably have to wait until NEXT summer, by which time you’ll already be getting ready to go to college in a place that is likley FAR from here, and I won’t get to see you for yet ANOTHER 4 years? No. You have a CHOICE. College? It’s always there. It can wait a year. He says his parents are practically forcing him to go right out of high school. No. By that time, you will be 18, and there is nothing they can do about it. I cannot give you that choice. Right now, we are hanging together by a thread. Things are going less than satisfactory. And if you think this will make it past college, then you will be sadly mistaken. If you decided to choose college before me, than I cannot continue this. … I’m sorry. I’ve appeard to have ranted all that at you. Let’s move to a different subject. My darling Bel. I told you she has a boyfriend. And I’m happy she does. She’s happy she does. But. We went on a road trip. The three of us. To Fond du Lac. To see Cartel, because there were playing at the Walleye Festival. The trip there was ok. And we had time to spare before Cartel played, so we walked around. Key word there: walking. Because Tony appears to be incapable of sitting in one spot for 5 minutes. We’d go over there and watch the water. The three of us sat down. Bel(I belive) and I were completley content to just sit there and watch the water. But. 5 minutes later. Tony gets up and starts walking away. And so Bel has to follow him. And me, with the only functioning phone, had to follow too. And we’d go through this everywhere. And then he started walking on my side of Bel. I have this thing, and Bel shares it, that I have to be to the left of her. Mostly because that’s her good ear, and since I apparently talk quiet, she can hear me better. And so he decided that it was HIS side. And so I was walking behind them. And then the trip back. *sigh* No more ranting about all of that. Suffice it to say, I don’t like him. And I’m glad he’s NOT coming to AirVenture with Bel. Let’s get to the present. Tony’s car is broke. And so he needs her everyday to be a taxi driver. Meaning she has no time to come over. And I’m quite sure that Tony by now HAS the money to fix his breaks. He just isn’t. And there’s something Bel doesn’t want to tell me. That’s prefectly fine, I won’t ask about it. But she thinks she has to tell me, which she doesn’t. I have proof of such. After two weeks of her not being here—Okay. Let’s start back a little. She used to come over almost everyday of the week. Then she started seeing Tony. And came over maybe 2,3, or 4 times a week. Which was okay. Then she started coming on only 1 day a week, Tuesday, NCIS night. Okay, wait a minute. I am not going to be put on the back burner just because you have a boyfriend. :( That’s just not fair. And then she didn’t come over for two weeks, so I flat out said that I thought she was abandoning me. And she came over crying. And she stayed for a while. And didn’t tell me what it was that she didn’t want to tell me. I didn’t care. Because she was here. I have 4 people that I consider close friends at the moment. Jacob, being my boyfriend, is also my best friend. He takes a long time to respond, and so I find it hard to hold a conversation with him very often. Which is quite sad, and an entirely different subject. Bel, my person. My Yune. Has suddenly stopped coming over, and is hardly talking to me, and I usually talk to her about everything. Emily, who can’t ever come over because she doesn’t have a way to get here. And I talk to as often as I can, about everything. And Connor, since we’re going to start talking more often. And we can’t quite talk about EVERYTHING, perhaps eventually. But he’s someone I can talk to. The point of telling you that is to show you why I feel lonely sometimes. With Jacob being in Green Bay, Bel being off somewhere with Tony when she’s not catching up on sleep, Emily stuck in LaCrosse with no way to get here, and Connor in Washington. I mean, I can sit here and IM and text them. But that’s not the same as physically talking to them. *sigh* I bitch too much. I need to look on the bright side. I HAVE friends. I’m leaving for vacation in 5 days. I get to see Sarah there, who I haven’t seen in two years. She’s an amazing person. We came up with the “hat” concept together. (I can’t exactly tell you what that is. Only Sarah, Bel and I know what it is. It’s an AirVenture only concept. :P) And Bel is still going to come to AirVenture with me. So that’ll be fun, too. And then all the cute—scratch that—hot guys that are usually there, too. (Yeah, Em. Caught that. :P) This is the bright side. Hm. Pretty bright. Anyway. I should get going. Em says she need to talk to me. And I should’ve taken a shower 13 mintues ago. So. Goodnight, I hope to post quite often now. Yea yea, I know I’ve said that before. I mean it this time.

DAILY SONG + LINK: It’s All About You by Juliana Pasha.