Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

Good evening and welcome to the 6 o’clock news, I’m Ollie Oxenfree. :P Seriously. Whose Line is it Anyway has suddenly gotten in my head. Anyway. Before I start, I want EVERYONE who reads this to “Like” the link on my Facebook status. I’m really curious as to how many of you actually read this. Don’t be shy either, AND please…don’t just THINK about liking it, actually do it. It’s simply curiosity. Moving on.  Today started off blah, and suddenly got so much better. :P Noah all of the sudden, out of no where says “Hello sir.” Oh! HAI! :D You’re saying hi first! YAY! :D And then we started a poke war. Which, since I translated my facebook, it was really “skewering”. XD Anyway. Things are suddenly looking up again in the Noah department. I’m hopeful that I’ll get the opportunity to show him there are other people than what he’s familiar with. Which might not make sense to you. But oh well. Since it’s getting late, I’ll wrap this one up quick. Tomorrow’s blog will be longer, no worries. I don’t think I’ll have enough money this week to buy the iPod touch I want, but instead I’ll buy Super Smash Brothers Brawl. :D Anyway. I’m going to head off to bed. So. Remember, “like” the status that my blog is in on Facebook. :D Goodnight, everyone.

DAILY SONG+LINK: All I Need by Within Temptation

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

Ah…where to start. Today is mostly about Noah, just so you know. It may even be ONLY about Noah. So. And before I even start, if Noah reads this, he might REALLY know it’s him today. And quite frankly, I don’t care. Because I might actually throw around a word today that may scare him. And if you, Noah, decide to run away. So be it. Then I suppose you weren’t worth it. Anyway. Enough of the Terms and Conditions. We’ll start with Sarah. Sarah started dating Logan, who happens to be Noah’s brother. And I’m happy for her. :D But anyway. Sarah says to me today “I don’t think Leighton is good for you” Uhm. Why not..? Well. Apparently she has reasons. But. As I would say, she doesn’t have enough scientific evidence to make a conclusion. And I can understand that. She knows that if she thinks something that MIGHT crush me, it WILL crush me if she says it. Because she knows how attached I am to him. And…the way she sounded, it wasn’t good. BUT she promised to tell me when she got conclusions. Which is good enough for me. But, then Bel goes to me and says things which make me think that, hey, I shouldn’t be paranoid yet. “No, he doesn’t know if you’re his type. And you don’t know either. Because you’ve barely known him without B***e. And while he’s with B***e, he’s focused ON B***e and no one else.” And she went on to ask me how easy it was to get over Dana the first time. And compared it to what’s going on with Noah. “So, just be there for him. It may take a few more rounds with B***e. But he’ll see you’re there.” Hm. Then there’s Travis. He tells me to just make a move and see what happens. Make a move on Noah? How? What happens if I scare him off? That’d be like losing him, forced un-attachment. Which hurts. :( *sigh* This sucks. This uncertainty. Not knowing what exactly to do. If I should give up, wait, or make a move. Giving up is least appealing. Waiting is something that isn’t so hard. Making a move may or may not be a good thing. Waiting would be my first choice. We’ll see what the next few days bring. Anyway. That’s all I really wanted to write about. But if I think of something more, I’ll write more. :P But for now, Goodnight. I won’t add a song today. Because for once, I don’t have one stuck in my head. O.O Oh my. Whatever has the world come to? :P Anyway. Goodnight.

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

Good evening. I might actually be able to get tonight’s blog done before midnight, it’s currently 10:45. We’ll try for it. :D Anyway. What is there to talk about? There hasn’t been a whole lot new in the Noah department. Oh. Wait. Except my fail the other night. *facepalm* So I was talking at him, because I wanted to talk to him, only he wasn’t in the best mood, so he wasn’t really talking back. And I suddenly started talking about my blog. Whoa. Wait. What? Yes. My blog. I was talking about my blog. To Noah. Who is mentioned in here. Ha. Smart move? Maybe. All he said was “interesting”. He gave no indication if he had already read it, or if he was going to. So, we’ll see. Hm…nothing new in the Dana department…or the Jacob department really. Although, we can put something in with Jacob. I went on Myyearbook today, and this guy added me. It happens a lot on there. :P But what caught my attention about THIS guy, is that he was from Green Bay. Hm. Ok. Add this one. I then find out this guy, who’s name is Travis, by the way, goes to Green Bay East High. Hm. So does Jacob. Hey! This should be interesting! So I keep reading his profile, he’s gay, and part of the school’s GSA. How great. Now I want to ask if Travis knows Jacob. EXCEPT, that might out Jacob, and he’s not ready for that. So. That quashed that idea quickly. :( Although, I believe we’re flirting at the moment. I’m not sure what to think of that. But I doubt it will turn into anything. Hm. What else…I go into the doctor on Friday. For my knee. Which is continuing to kill me. :( Hm… Wow. For once a relatively boring blog. XD So now you’ve wasted about 5 minutes of your time… :P I really can’t think of anything else to say tonight. Ah well. I can always make a supplemental entry, if something enters my mind. So, goodnight then, world. :D

DAILY SONG+LINK: Last Night On Earth by Delta Goodrem

Friday, August 13th, 2010

Good evening everyone. It’s been a little over a week. So let’s catch you up a little, shall we? Hm…shall I start with Noah, Dana, or Jacob? Ha. This is beginning to sound like a pattern. Every blog starting with at least one of those people. Ha. Anyway. Let’s start with…Jacob. Well. *sigh* I suppose the only thing that’s really changed with him, is the fact that he’s wanting to talk in the middle of the day, as opposed to only at night like it was before. But…even then, he disappears for almost hours at a time. And I simply can’t hold a conversation like that. Maybe you can, but I certainly can’t. :( So he’s changed one thing. One entire thing. But in the process, made one problem worse. So…I can’t decide if it’s good or not. Hm. Moving on. Dana. Yea. Haven’t talked about him in a while. He suddenly started talking to me about the book he wanted to write with me. And somehow, that escalated into wanting me back. … *sigh* I mean, I KNEW it would come around again, but NOW? Of all times? I’m trying to deal with Jacob as best I can, and I’m trying to get somewhere with Noah. And now all of the sudden, Dana wants to come and remind me that he’s still there. Ugh. Idk what to tell him. I don’t want to say no and hurt him. But. I don’t want to say yes and end up having it be a stupid mistake, like we all know has happened before. Speaking of Noah. Let’s get that out of the way. He’s dating his ex. Again. *smiles* Isn’t life grand? I want him more than Jacob or Dana at the moment. Because he’s cute, intelligent, funny, and many other things. Most important, he’s having almost the same sort of problems with his on-off boyfriend. And I feel for him. Only, I never broke up, and got back together with Jacob so many times in less time. Jacob and I went a year and 7 months. Amazing, isn’t it? Heh. Anyway. I really like Noah. I mean, REALLY. Sadly, that’s just how my mind works. I started liking him. Which means, there are three ways to get me to stop. 1) have him crush all of my hope. And make me sad. 2) Show that he likes me back, therefore turning my like into a developing love, which can be even more dangerous. or 3) Let time make it fade away. Which is least likely, seeing as I’ll most likely end up seeing him next year anyway. So. That leaves the first two options. Somedays, I wish I could trade in my mind for a new one. :/ But, then I’d lose the most important parts of myself. So none of that. But…how the hell did I get in this position? Suddenly stuck between 3 guys? Try and fix things with Jacob, try again with Dana, or take a risk with Noah. Ha. I bet YOU can tell which is least likely. :P Not the point. The point is, I want Noah. Badly. But I can’t tell if he likes me. Apparently, from what Bel says, its probable. I mean, I’ve given myself until the day I get back to Camp Scholler to take that risk. That’s currently 341 days. Probably PLENTY of time. But. For now, it’s too soon to tell him how I feel. Bel says I’ll scare him away. And in all honesty, I’m surprised I haven’t YET. Especially after the night I kinda said hi, and then couldn't come up with a conversation, so I left. And it made me feel like an idiot. :( Ah well. I told Bel what happened. She said “Maybe he found your awkwardness at talking cute.” What if he did? … Eh. Speculating is a dangerous pastime. We’ll wait and see what happens. Like I said before, simply writing this blog, and posting it on Facebook, where I KNOW he can read it if he clicked on it is risky enough. Should he chose to start reading my blog, that very well might scare him away. In which case, this next part is for Noah. This is a place for me to write my thoughts. All of them. As they come to me. Uncensored. I post it on Facebook so I can tell myself, “Now it’s out there. My thoughts are clean, and out there.” I find that putting them where other people can read them makes me feel better, as opposed to just writing it, and locking it away in a desk drawer. Ah well. If you read all of this, I wouldn’t blame you for running scared. I just hope you wouldn’t. Anyway. Back to everything else. I go in for my knee on Monday. Finally. Since it seems to not like the standing I do at work. Which reminds me, I should really get to bed. Goodnight world. I’ll be sure to blog tomorrow. Or soon, anyway.

DAILY SONG+LINK: Over the Hills and Far Away by Nightwish

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

Ugh. Where shall I start? We could start with Noah. Or my job. Or Jacob. *sigh* Bad news first, or good news… Let’s do good news first. So I got a job interview today at Hancock Fabrics. And I start Monday. :D Finally. Having of a job. :P That’s the extent of the good news. *sigh* Now, on to the depressing crap. Noah, or Jacob first… Let’s start with Noah. So I woke up this morning, after already being upset last night with Jacob. So I was already in a depressed mood. And then I get on Facebook. And discover I’m too late. He’s dating someone again. *sigh* I was being patient. And slow. So it’s all like “well, MY day is off to a peachy keen start.” >.< It’s not so much that I’ve lost the oppertunity. It will come again. Because this is…the 7th time they’ve been together? It won’t last. Even though I know he wants it to. But I’m almost positive it won’t. :( Ah well. I’ll be patient. Because…in my opinion, he needs to get away from this guy just about as much as I need to get away from Jacob. :( We don’t know each other quite well enough to leave what we feel is comfortable just yet. In time. Patience. *grumbles* I’ve never had to go about it this way. I mean, look at all of my relationships. Levi. *cringes* Dana. Which was more of a sexual thing. :/ Not exactly what I wanted. Jeff, was the closest to real love I’ve been. But, he was on the other side of the country. :( Jacob. 4 hours away, and he’s not even really ready for the kind of relationship it is that I want/need. I’ve never had to go about all of it the way I’m having to with Noah. It’s all so…new to me. Ah well. Maybe this is what’s needed to form a solid long-term relationship. And if so, then I’m all for this patience thing. *nodnod* Doesn’t help any that both my knees are hurting today. :( Ah well. I might blog a little bit more later. But for now, I’m a little hungry. Talk to you all later. :)

DAILY SONG+LINK: Playing With Fire by Paula Seling & Ovi

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Welcome back from vacation. :P To me anyway. I got back yesterday. I wish I didn’t have to leave there. It’s so much fun… And I met this amazing guy. Finally. And I just realized that I mentioned him NOWHERE in my other posts. I would have figured I’d have mentioned him last year… Anyway. That is where we will start. Last year. So. In the campground where we camp, there is always this guy from Illinois that parks across from us. Dad hates him because it seems like he always plays with his car alarm thingy. But last year I noticed this guy with him. I said to myself “Hm. He’s kinda…cute. From here.” So I have this attachment problem. I see a cute guy, and have even the slightest, and I mean TINY, crush on him, I get all emotional. It’s…rather depressing. Not only that, I’m a hopeless romantic. Bel says that they both make me so lovable. And she wouldn’t love me either way. I think it’s annoying because having to become unattached is hell. Anyway. So by observation, which I’m good at, I figured he was gay. Bel and I named him Noah. Because he looked like a Noah to me. And so before I got myself to talk to him, we had to leave. And I never forgot about him because of my stupid attachment problem, and the hopeless romantic part of me was hoping something would happen. But. Then I came back this year. And there he is again. Looking cuter than last year, mind you. And so it brought back my little crush on him. And so on the Saturday before the event opened up, I went out walking along the grounds with Sarah. We rode a tram and all of the sudden, “NOAH! Over there! Sitting down! Quick! Get off the tram!”. So we got off at the next stop. And Sarah says, we should go over there. I’m all like…”uh…but…that would be creepy of us.” So we ended up doing it. And I had my armband, which was rainbow and said GAY on it. I put it on. And we sat like…5 tables from him. I was freaking out. I didn’t want him to think I was creepy and following him. So then we got up after my water bottle got empty, and he got up. And then Sarah says really loudly “Perhaps we should go THAT way.” And she pointed in the direction of the warbirds. Noah then turned and went that way. And so I freaked out more. So we continued on, and decided to put distance between him and us. So I made a circle. I came back to Aeroshell square, where he still was. All of the sudden, I started watching him from the corner of my eye. And he pointed his camera in our direction. And the only thing between Noah and us was this guy on what looked like a towing rig of some sort. And all that was behind me was…a building if I recall. And I’m all like “What was that?! Did he just do that?!” And so then we walked towards one of the planes across from him, and I was talking to Sarah. And all of the sudden he starts walking in our direction and then WAVES. I’m like, “OMG. Sarah, what is he doing?” So then I see Eric, who is really Adam, walking out from the other side of the plane we were by. I was relieved. Because I wasn’t ready for what Bel would call a “random encounter” with Noah. So then I was trying to ignore him the rest of the week. To avoid last year’s attachment and whatnot issues. So Bel comes to me on Friday with this big grin on her face. I’m all like “what did you do?” “I saw Noah. And talked to him” I was all like…crap. “I saw him making his rounds in Protect our Planes over there, and I said to myself ‘fuck it’ and went over and talked to him. I said ‘I know this may sound like an odd question, and I don’t care either way, but are you gay?” And she said that he said yea, he was. “Oh. Well, my friend sorta has this little crush on you.” At this point, I was freaking out. And she said that he said that he wanted to meet me. “I’ll tell him that then.” I looked at her and said “You did what?!” “You heard me.” So he came back to his campsite that day and was looking over at me. I was like…uhm…idk what to do. I’ve never had to meet someone like that before. Most of the time it was someone saying “Here. Talk.” This time it was a “I told him. Now, go over there and talk to him” But…I…! Idk how! I’ve never had to before. So then he came over that night and started playing catch with us. And omg. He has an amazing voice, not to mention his meltable smile… And his laugh… So the next day, he and I waved at each other a few times. And he came over and talked to me once. And he was being a showoff with his camera. *glares* My puny old camera does not clickclickclickclick like I want it to. It click…..click……click……clicks. :/ But anyway. So then Bel goes and tells me “well, maybe it was supposed to happen. Maybe you’re supposed to meet him and forget about Jacob and be happy. Like fate. Maybe you’ll fall in love with him. Like fate. And faith.” *sigh* So adding this into my mind, which is a hopeless romantic, is dangerous. Because it will eventually eat through the barrier I’ve put up. And kill me. And I’ll be crushed. Not that it would be Bel’s fault. The thought would’ve popped in my head eventually anyway. *sigh* So I’m trying to hold that barrier up. Until it looks like I don't have to. And no, I haven’t told you what his real name is, because I DO know it, but since I post this stuff on Facebook. And only the person I’m talking about needs to know who I’m talking about. Because Noah will know its him. Which can be a stupid idea in itself, but risk is part of the game, is it not? Ah well. Patience, child. It will find me. Anyway. I’ll probably make a second post in a little while.

TODAY’S SONG+LINK: Jungle Drum by Emiliana Torrini