Thursday, September 30th, 2010

Well. I'm here. For what reason? I don't know. I felt the need to write to you all. I just don't know what about. I mean...I could go on and tell you about...heh...Noah. Which, after this blog, I'm pretty sure you won't hear about him ever again. If I'm right anyway. Apparently one of two things happened. I was either way too talkative, or he took what I said the wrong way. It was meant to comfort him as a friend. To show him I care. As a friend. Which, obviously if that's what it is, he didn't perceive it in that context. This, by the way, is why I don't have friendships with men very often. They're...touchy. Jumpy. Volatile. In a friendship, anyway. Where as women, they're flexible. Tolerant. Easy to befriend. I mean, even dating men. While I love boys, they just think with their dicks far too often. Not to say I've NEVER done that, but I take great care not to. *sigh* I just wish that hadn't of happened. Because I'm almost sure I'm right about that. I suppose...that's really all I wanted. Which is a lie. I didn't want to rant like that. But. What needs to be done, needs to be done. And...I guess you won't have to listen to me babble about Noah anymore? A possible upside for all of you? And who knows, maybe I'm just paranoid. Comes with my HAD. Ha. Hyperactive Attachment Disorder. Because Bel said it was better as a disorder, rather than a syndrome. And Attachment Disorder just didn't go right. I had to add the Hyperactive. And the acronym is so much better to. OAS. Over-attachment Syndrome. It doesn't flow off the tongue either. So. Can you believe it's been almost two months since I started working? That seems like forever ago now... Ha. Well. It's now 11:02. So. I think I'll head off to bed. More can be written tomorrow. Goodnight, world.

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

Ok. So. Today was good. Oktoberfest parade. We got to my grandma’s house at 5ish. Went and got a sandwich from Kwik Trip and a cappi. :) Then watched as the sun rose. Thinking about someone. Made me smile all day, too. :) Anyway. The parade, which was 3 hours and 10 minutes long by the way, was good. 13 bands. One new band. Which, oddly enough, was tied into Jacob. Green Bay East High School Marching Band made an appearance this year. Green Bay, as far as I know, has an Oktoberfest of their own. And they were so disappointing. They had major spacing issues. Their lines weren’t so straight. And they didn’t do anything spectacular. Holmen, however, won. Again. :P I’m proud of my old school. So today wasn’t really so bad. Especially since I got to watch the parade with Emily. :) It just made my day better. Oh. Noah wrote his first blog. :P And…uh…I’m still loving this friendship thing. Lol. I…have plenty more I would love to say about Noah at the moment. But. Time is short. And. Well. I’m afraid to. And. Uh. I’m making an exit now. Goodnight, world. :) (No song tonight either. Lol)

Friday, September 24th, 2010

Ok. Welcome back from my little absence there. Work has been hell lately. Anyway. I could start with…Noah. Or…work. Or Oktoberfest… Or…my iPod. Or…a few other things. XD Hm…let’s start with Oktoberfest. It technically started today. But the big parade is tomorrow. So I have to get up early so we can get to my grandma’s house before they close the roads. Which means I’ll be up by 4. So I’m not going to take TOO long on this. ! I bought my iPod touch yesterday. :D It’s amazing. And I could spend hours playing with it. … Hey. I already do… :P Hm… Let’s see… I worked all of last weekend. Which wasn’t actually MY weekend. Which kinda pissed me off. But if I hadn’t worked last weekend, I wouldn’t have gotten my iPod. So, all is good there. I was supposed to work all this weekend, but I’m not. At least, not tomorrow. The parade and all. :P But next week, I work a total of 20 hours. :D Which is more than I’ve worked so far. Which means I’ll have much moneys the week after next. :P Last subject. Noah. We’ve been talking a lot. And I’m loving this friendship thing. And he’s gone and made his own blog now. So now I can read about HIM and HIS inner thoughts for a change. :P Hm… Bel’s finally moving out of her parent’s house. Not that she’s really been living there as it is. :P I’m happy for her. As long as I get to see her on Tuesdays. :P Anyway. It’s getting closer to 10:30. And Sarah is such a mean person. And a tease. But I love her anyway. :P Goodnight, world. (P.S. No song tonight.)

Monday, September 13th, 2010

Good evening, world. Time for a new blog post, I say. With a new blog format, no less. :P And no, tonight will not be ALL about Noah. :P We’ll start with how I’m upset with my sister. :( Heather. So the other day, after work, mom and I took her to Walmart to get her prescriptions. And I had given mom $30, that I just took out from my account that morning to put gas in the van, because she needed to buy some things for one of the jobs she’s doing. And I didn’t mind giving it to her. So we get to walmart. And we come to find out, much to Heather’s surprise, that her prescriptions weren’t free. And, since she is jobless… >.< Mom used the 20 she had left out of the 30 I gave her. Saddest part is? I’ll never see that money again. And it pissed me off. Because THAT was the 20 I was going to put with the $10 I left in my pocket to buy NCIS Season 2. And, at this rate, I’ll never save enough to buy my iPod touch, let alone my computer. Or a car. Needless to say, I was very quiet on the trip home. But. She is my sister. And she did NEED her medicines. So I guess I’ll forgive her. Oktoberfest is next weekend already. Wow. The year is suddenly cruising by… I had a dream about being at Oshkosh last night… :( I woke up very sad. :( I don’t yet understand why I attach so much emotion to that place… Perhaps it’s because of Hats…Leighton…my passion of aviation…the love of not having a care in the world. Hm. The late nights outside, talking with dad or Bel. Liquid refreshments. The glow of the tiki torches. Stargazing. Becoming lost in thought. Then falling asleep listening to Only You by Cartel. Waking up. Looking out, hearing planes. Starting my day off with our Oshkosh-style breakfast… Wandering about the grounds relaxing… coming back for lunch. Going back out of showcase flying… *sighs contently at the thought* And then…I come home, and have to get used to the same boring routine that I do every other day. :/ No more lazy days. No more cute guys… :P Hm… Anyway. I suppose I should at least mention Noah directly, hm? :P Well. We’re talking. Sort of. He texted me today, which is good. It means he knows I’m here to talk to. Which I am. Here for him. :) Other than that…I suppose this is the least I’ve talked about Noah in some time… :P Anyway… That’s all I can think of at the time being. So, goodnight, world. Come back soon. :)

DAILY SONG+VIDEO-Song For A Winter’s Night-Sarah McLachlan

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Oh, good evening everyone. *yawns* I shouldn’t be tired. But I am. So I’ll make this kinda quick. Because I feel the need to continue calling Leighton, Noah, I will do so. In blog only of course. Because, otherwise it would feel weird. So. Anyway. I’m not sure what is going on at the moment in that department, really. I was expecting him to be upset with me. With all I’ve put in these blogs, suddenly him having to replace every “Noah” with “Leighton”. And realizing that I REALLY like him. But, instead, his reaction is…almost opposite, I would say. Instead of being upset with ME, he’s acting upset at himself, and like he’s expecting ME to be upset with HIM. Which, as you can imagine, makes no sense to me. And so I tell him that’s what it seems like. And he tells me its “a bit of both”. Which confuses me even more. Bel is the only person who could even come up with a theory, which is basically the same one I had, only with a twist. “Maybe he feels guilty? Because he likes talking to you. Which means he likes you, even if just as a friend. Either way, that means he thinks about you, maybe mentions you to, say, Bryce. Who gets jealous. Which makes Leighton feel guilty.” However, my theory, being in MY head surrounded by the thoughts I pour into these blogs, was that minus the guilt and Bryce part. Which is still plausible. *sigh* Short of asking him, which hasn’t been successful as you can imagine, I won’t know. And speculating is dangerous. Not that it’s stopped me from doing it anyway. Hm. Anyway. I think I’ve blabbered enough for one night. You know something? I bitch too much. Anyway. Goodnight, world.

DAILY SONG+LINK=Save Us by Cartel (And for those of you who know that there are two versions of this song, this is neither. This is a third version I’ve recently discovered… And I kinda like it. And for those of you that DON’T know that there are two other versions of this song, let me know, and I’ll give you a link to both of them.)

Saturday, September 4th, 2010

Well. Tonight…ha…well, what would you like me to tell you first? How I’ve realized how creepy my blogs can sound? How I may have potentially screwed that entire thing up? How I’ve been censoring Noah’s name needlessly for the last 2 posts, because of carelessness? Or how I’m not sure what the fuck to do next? So. I’ve realized from someone’s point of view, like, say, Noah? All of this sounds really creepy. Obsessive? Perhaps. In any case, it certainly doesn’t sound the way it comes out in my head. And, to those who I may have ALREADY offended, I apologize. Although, I HAVE stated numerous times that this is only a collection of thoughts. Thoughts that need a place to go, and posting it in a blog on the internet is more…real for me than just writing it on paper and locking it in a drawer. You must read my blogs…without taking anything personally. Take this entire Noah thing, for instance. I say all of that, but I have even YET to try and do anything about it. …heh. Well. Me may as well move swiftly into that subject. But before we go to that one, let’s point out a mistake that, thanks to a certain someone, I realize. And no thanks to the other two certain some ones that didn’t realize it, like me. On the 21st of August, I made a serious and critical mistake. I used Noah’s real name. Leighton. Ha. Stupid me, didn’t THINK that maybe, just maybe, he’d find that. Anyway, that means I don’t have to keep calling him Noah. Now, back to the other subject. He suddenly came to the realization tonight that he might, indeed BE Noah. Go figure. My luck. I ask him if he’s indeed read my blogs, and suddenly a light bulb turns on in his head. “OMG I’M NOAH”. *sigh* I should’ve listened to Bel when she said “Wait and see if HE brings it up first.” And so…the conversation ended with me saying sorry, and leaving. And now I’m sitting here wondering if I indeed screwed up. Which, my luck, I probably did. That’s three of the four subjects. Lastly, what the fuck do I do next? I’m going to end up posting this blog. And then going BACK on Facebook. And putting it there. And he may or may not read it. If he does, I’ll add something at the end just for him. If he doesn’t, he’s probably afraid to. I’ve probably scared him off. :/ I honestly don’t know what to do next. Ok. That’s really all I wanted to put in this blog. :/ Leighton. Look. I…didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Or put you in an awkward position. These are just my inner thoughts. I’m sorry if they come off as creepy to you. And…I’m sorry.  Goodnight, world. :(

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

Ah. Another start to yet another boring school year. >.< Tonight’s post will…be about Noah. Ha. Surprise surprise. Mostly Noah, anyway. Because my test last night had some…interesting results. Last night I asked the people that read that blog to “like” the status from Facebook. And I’m doing it again tonight. Only I’m not writing it IN the status. Because our dear Noah “liked” the status. And the thing is, I talked about Noah last night. And if he read it, I’m pretty sure he figured out it was him. Because I said EXACTLY the way he said hi to me yesterday. … And the poke war. Which we did again today. For a little while. And I haven’t scared him away yet. I’m really curious as to how many of my blog posts he’s read. If he knows EVERYTHING. Or if he just read last night’s. This is why I’m doing a double test. Which means everyone who reads this, I want you to “like” the status again. Because if you, Noah, read this again, I might actually have to ask how many past ones you’ve read. Because…if you know ALL of it, then I think we should talk. Anyway. So. Noah. *sigh* I freaked out last night because I went on again after I brushed my teeth and stuff, which was after I put my blog up. And it’s all like…”Em…did I just see what I think I saw…?” And then I was all like “That means he knows he is Noah. Oh my god. Emily. What the fuck do I do next?!” And so she said calm down, basically. Lol. Anyway. Uhm. This is why I’m curious as to how many posts he’s read… I’m rambling on and on about the same thing, only using different words. I apologize. Noah would be perfect. Which is a lie, because no one is perfect. But he’s damn close. From what I know of him, at least. Which is why I want to know him more. But I feel like I haven’t been talking to him enough lately. But half the time, I don’t even know what to talk about. :( Which makes me feel like an idiot. Here I’m talking to the guy I like, and I draw a complete blank. I don’t even know if he’d be interested in me. :/ The uncertainty… This blog is as big a risk as I’m going to take with him for the time being. Most of you know how fragile I am. Look at what happened with Dana? How I’m still beating myself up over letting Jeff go? And how Jacob upsets me so? :/ I don’t intend to add Noah to my list of heartbreaks just yet. So. Until I’m ready, or possibly until HE makes a move or something, I’ll keep my thoughts and impulses confined to here. Every time I sit here and say to myself “Neal, why do you do this to yourself? Why do you get attached to people like that? Why do you go after what you aren’t sure you can even have?” And then what Bel told me pops in my head. “It makes you more lovable. And I wouldn’t love you any other way.” So. I push through it. I’m fragile. Sensitive. Easily crushed… Hm. Anyway. Moving on. Tomorrow, I get paid. Mom goes to the doctor. I get to by SSBB. :D And then I do a little school work. Come back on Facebook. Maybe talk to Noah. See if Sarah is feeling any better… Poor Sarah, things finally hit a snag with Logan… :( Anyway. I think I’m good for tonight. So goodnight world. (Remember. Like the status on Facebook after you’re done reading. :D)

DAILY SONG+LINK=This Is Who We Are by Cartel