Sunday, October 31, 2010

Wow. It has been a while. *sigh* Where do you want me to begin? I could always start by listing all the reasons I fail. Dana, Noah, School, Jacob... And I'll stop there. Because that's plenty. Granted, they are 75% men. ... Men. Most of you should know why Dana is there. If not, then go look at my earlier posts. Like...almost 2 year ago posts. Most of you should also know why Noah is there. If not, go back a month or two. Because I'm just a creepy annoying person. School I'll get to. And Jacob...because you guys only ever hear about the stuff that pisses me off about him. Because, as I hate to admit, it happens often. More often that I prefer to admit. And it sucks. Like just the other day. We were talking about him moving in. Again. And how it won't quite be how I'd like it to be. But...I guess I'll live. I've told you all about my attachment problem. It's sad. But true. And I need a way to change it. Because this constant feeling that I need someone like Jacob or Noah or Dana is annoying. Which sounds horrible, I realize. Jacob is a good person once you get past all his issues. Noah...sweet and charming. Cute. Touchy and unpredictable like most men. But one would learn to get around that. Dana...pushy. Kind. Sweet. Not quite so cute, but that was never why I loved him to begin with. But. I want to be with Jacob. I love Jacob. Noah is with Bryce. Most of the time. And finds me annoying, no doubt. Creepy, too, probably. And Dana...well, Dana just wants me. Or rather, little me. ... Not the point. But, then again, I have no idea what I'm getting at anyway. I lost the destination for my train of thought. So let's move on. School. SO sometimes I get lazy. Often. And I lose track of how many days I go without actually doing schoolwork. Which, turned out to be fatal. Or, at least dangerous. Since I ended up with 3 sets of 5 days. Which COULD be fatal. In the fact that I could be kicked out of Insight. And sent back to Holmen. Which, is less than desirable. And...so I'm trying to fix it. Desperately. But you know what? I know my mom hates me secretly on the inside for it. Because to her, I'm becoming my sister. She dropped out. Still hasn't finished a GED, she's 21 now. The thought had crossed my mind. Hold out until I'm 18. Drop out. Go for my GED instead. But. That would just constantly remind me of how fail I am. So. This is me hoping that my recent effort to fix my failure in school will keep me there. So that I can finish this year, and hopefully finish next year to be done with high school. Because I will drop out if I get sent back to Holmen. So. There you have it. Failure. Not necessarily HORRIBLE Failure. Certainly a correctible failure. But most certainly quite the failure. Yes, I do realize that means I lied when I said you'd never hear about Noah again. But hey, I didn't exactly promise. I don't think. I'm not sure who even reads my blog anymore (except you, Emily). Which also means I know that I'm gonna get yelled at or something. End up as a disappointment in yet another person's eyes. Ready for some good news? ... Me too. My sleep pattern has even been fucked up. I'm waking up every two freaking hours. Ugh. Please, let me know if there is some other way I can screw up tonight. Or...screw up my life. Goodnight, world. Happy Halloween. And Happy Samhain.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Ok. Hai. It's been a while, yes. Sorry about that. But, let me start off by saying this. I care. I am a very caring person. I care very much about the people I choose to call friends. Most of you should know that. And you know what, even if one of you started to dislike, or even hate me for that matter. And maybe try to push me away. Say mean things to me. I still care. Because I called you a friend. You would still BE a friend on my head. So you know what, if you don't realize that I care, then that's your fault. And your loss. Because in the end, I will still care. Thank you. Now. Moving on. Work has been quite...exhausting lately. And I am fried. I have one more day yet of work. I've been working every day since Friday. Which is a lot for me. And this week, I have 20.5 hours scheduled. Which is good. And bad, because my knee is starting to kill me. Again. :( And my allergies are kicking in. :/ That sucks. And you know what, it's October. My air conditioner should not be running. But it has been for the past three days. It shouldn't be this warm in October. Gr. Anyway. Bel is coming tomorrow. I haven't seen much of her lately. I understand though. The whole moving thing makes her busy. And you know what, so what if I care about gay pride. Hello, I'm gay. And yea it bothers me that Jacob doesn't care. >.< I think that the recent string of reported gay suicides is horrible. Absolutely horrible. Like Ellen said, "One life taken by bullying is tragic. 6 lives is a crisis." And I believe something must be done. And just today, a politician says that we shouldn't be teaching our children that homosexuality is acceptable. My god, people like YOU shouldn't be teaching our children that it's acceptable to prejudice. To make laws saying that two people in love can't marry. It disgusts me. Angers me. Enrages me. Do we tell you that heterosexuality is wrong? No. Why? Because we believe in equality. We believe that as long as two people love each other, they can marry. Sickening. Outrageous. And you know the best part? In the speech this politician wrote, he included a line where he stated that homosexuals were "dysfunctional". But he decided to not say that. AND he went on to say that he "has nothing against gay people" and that he has a gay nephew. Um. Talk about hypocrite? Ugh. Next subjects please, before I hit my desk with anger. Because I could make one entire blog post on JUST that. And I don't want to tonight. So. What else... I don't know at the moment. I'm too upset now. Besides, I don't think I wanted to say anything else. So, I will say goodnight then. :) Goodnight, world. No musics for you tonight. I will start that again soon, don't worry.