Good evening everyone. It’s been a little over a week. So let’s catch you up a little, shall we? Hm…shall I start with Noah, Dana, or Jacob? Ha. This is beginning to sound like a pattern. Every blog starting with at least one of those people. Ha. Anyway. Let’s start with…Jacob. Well. *sigh* I suppose the only thing that’s really changed with him, is the fact that he’s wanting to talk in the middle of the day, as opposed to only at night like it was before. But…even then, he disappears for almost hours at a time. And I simply can’t hold a conversation like that. Maybe you can, but I certainly can’t. :( So he’s changed one thing. One entire thing. But in the process, made one problem worse. So…I can’t decide if it’s good or not. Hm. Moving on. Dana. Yea. Haven’t talked about him in a while. He suddenly started talking to me about the book he wanted to write with me. And somehow, that escalated into wanting me back. … *sigh* I mean, I KNEW it would come around again, but NOW? Of all times? I’m trying to deal with Jacob as best I can, and I’m trying to get somewhere with Noah. And now all of the sudden, Dana wants to come and remind me that he’s still there. Ugh. Idk what to tell him. I don’t want to say no and hurt him. But. I don’t want to say yes and end up having it be a stupid mistake, like we all know has happened before. Speaking of Noah. Let’s get that out of the way. He’s dating his ex. Again. *smiles* Isn’t life grand? I want him more than Jacob or Dana at the moment. Because he’s cute, intelligent, funny, and many other things. Most important, he’s having almost the same sort of problems with his on-off boyfriend. And I feel for him. Only, I never broke up, and got back together with Jacob so many times in less time. Jacob and I went a year and 7 months. Amazing, isn’t it? Heh. Anyway. I really like Noah. I mean, REALLY. Sadly, that’s just how my mind works. I started liking him. Which means, there are three ways to get me to stop. 1) have him crush all of my hope. And make me sad. 2) Show that he likes me back, therefore turning my like into a developing love, which can be even more dangerous. or 3) Let time make it fade away. Which is least likely, seeing as I’ll most likely end up seeing him next year anyway. So. That leaves the first two options. Somedays, I wish I could trade in my mind for a new one. :/ But, then I’d lose the most important parts of myself. So none of that. But…how the hell did I get in this position? Suddenly stuck between 3 guys? Try and fix things with Jacob, try again with Dana, or take a risk with Noah. Ha. I bet YOU can tell which is least likely. :P Not the point. The point is, I want Noah. Badly. But I can’t tell if he likes me. Apparently, from what Bel says, its probable. I mean, I’ve given myself until the day I get back to Camp Scholler to take that risk. That’s currently 341 days. Probably PLENTY of time. But. For now, it’s too soon to tell him how I feel. Bel says I’ll scare him away. And in all honesty, I’m surprised I haven’t YET. Especially after the night I kinda said hi, and then couldn't come up with a conversation, so I left. And it made me feel like an idiot. :( Ah well. I told Bel what happened. She said “Maybe he found your awkwardness at talking cute.” What if he did? … Eh. Speculating is a dangerous pastime. We’ll wait and see what happens. Like I said before, simply writing this blog, and posting it on Facebook, where I KNOW he can read it if he clicked on it is risky enough. Should he chose to start reading my blog, that very well might scare him away. In which case, this next part is for Noah. This is a place for me to write my thoughts. All of them. As they come to me. Uncensored. I post it on Facebook so I can tell myself, “Now it’s out there. My thoughts are clean, and out there.” I find that putting them where other people can read them makes me feel better, as opposed to just writing it, and locking it away in a desk drawer. Ah well. If you read all of this, I wouldn’t blame you for running scared. I just hope you wouldn’t. Anyway. Back to everything else. I go in for my knee on Monday. Finally. Since it seems to not like the standing I do at work. Which reminds me, I should really get to bed. Goodnight world. I’ll be sure to blog tomorrow. Or soon, anyway.
DAILY SONG+LINK: Over the Hills and Far Away by Nightwish
